March 30th to April 5th: The soldier “pierced his side with a lance…”

34 Replies to “March 30th to April 5th: The soldier “pierced his side with a lance…””

1. Good morning everyone,

   I did not post last week, it was a hard week for me because I have never been able to understand that “JC died for us” or “the sacrifice Jesus made in order to bring each one of us …” I read your post all week, right up to the last day without finding any help, maybe some day I will be able to receive that gift of understanding, that so many of you have, At this time when I try, it is “out there”, some how unreachable, something to come, or was, which doesn’t help me live in the present where God is…. someone doing to/for me, from the outside in and I have come to learn the love of God comes from inside out and that image or info doesn’t fit for me.

   What I did get from last week is a model, JC surrendering and that is were I am at, I need, I long to, surrender my way and be open to the LOEDS way. Though out the week, by the grace of God, I was able to receive the gifts that was sent to grow in this area. I saw JC’s pain and difficulties, yet was able to trust in his Father/Maker, that was powerful for me. I saw he was never alone, that he received what he needed each step of his journey no matter how hard or isolated he felt, to make it, to be obedient to his God, to be his essence allowing the love of his Father flow though him…

   I to am receiving the help I need at this time of my journey. One was being reminded that a fevered writer of mine , Richard Rohr, starts his writings with an empty piece of paper in front of him… I have been starting my days with that image and try to revisit thought-out my day… surrendering my expectations, way and be open to receive what flows my way from the All Mighty.

   Yesterday was awesome, I don’t think I can do the Lord justice but will try to give a taste of it… As I read this weeks questions, I believe it flows right into them…

   I was at a friends birthday party and while visiting, dropped a name, wondering if they were neighbors, someone near by heard me, latter came up to me and asked if I knew this man/John … (who is a wonderful speaker, bringing the Lenten readings to life at three parishes in the area, a loving man, living out of his essence who happens to be an ex-priest) She had been newly touched by John, we had a graced felt experience were the love flowed… just an amazing gift that over flowed my blank paper AND a reminder I have what I need and will have what I need as I move along my challenge of downsizing our 10 acre home and trusting there will be a new one in town, just right were my essence, Gods love can flow though me..

2. What an amazing week we’ve had! Deep gratitude to each of you who has shared in honesty and for the purpose of encouraging each other. Beautiful.

   Praise God for His faithfulness!

3. As the Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, I felt as if I, too, had been in the desert for more than 40 years. Though I had accepted Jesus into my life when I was young, living for Him on and off when young and “on” for many, many years, I have always known something was missing. There were small glimpses at times, but never anything lasting. My faith endured (for the most part) though doubts pursued me as I vowed to continue my faith walk.

   I have prayed for passion, joy, concentration, consistency and other gifts that would help me be a more faithful and committed follower of Christ. These things had always eluded me. I claimed promises but didn’t experience them. God had and has a plan.

   God allowed some controversy in my life about two years ago. During that time there was unexplained peace. In most recent years, my prayer has been for joy. It is clear in God’s word that joy is important to Him. It has long been a desire of mine. In November of 2012 I attended a special service. During prayer I felt as if God gifted me with His joy. It seemed unreal. Was it real? Was it sustainable? I believed yet was also experiencing unbelief. I didn’t share for fear that others wouldn’t believe; that my behavior wouldn’t reflect my healing. I’m still waiting for anyone to comment on the change in me. I have had bumps in the road (one that felt like a mountain). God has been showing me that it’s not me who is doing the work. To be(come) humble, I will not be getting verbal comments about the “improved me”. My trust is to be in God alone. His love and approval are the only things that are important.

   There is no doubt. My heart has been healed. Joy is available now. Always. There have been many facets to my healing. Learning how to control my mind. Learning how my personality traits affect my relationships. And on and on. But bringing everything together is my Lord and Savior and his Holy and precious Word.

   The years of anguish were so painful. It’s still painful as I see my daughter experiencing many of the same things as I have in the past. I know my Savior lives and there is joy in the morning. Thank you oh my Father for giving us your Son and leaving your Spirit till your work on earth is done.

4. I just returned home from a Disneyland vacation, and feel so behind and got lost in that busyness. 🙂

   I have had the opportunity to see Jeremy Camp in concert twice. This artist truly knows how to give praise and glory to God. He has inspired me through his testimony and music. During his concert, he has everyone hold hands and lift them in praise to God, singing Overcome. The presence of God was incredible. Being in the front row, I got to see how often he says Thank You Jesus, and gives all glory to Him.

   http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l8AB0vUU038#action=share

5. The Sacred Heart of Jesus healed my broken heart. 13 Years ago I had an aneurysm and stroke. A beautiful gift of a second life was given to me from Father Salonus and from God. During recovery I found out that my husband was having an affair. I asked him why. He said he cannot get used to the way I have changed. He broke my heart. We are not married any more. When the gift of life was given to me I did have minor disability. It did not matter to me until my past husband told me how he felt. I went through hiding, as much as I could, how the upper side of my faced looked different. I realized a few days ago not to hide it anymore. Because it is beautiful. It is to show the gift given to me. I am now back the way I was. The Sacred Heart of Jesus healed my broken heart. I am happy again. It is good to wear the metal of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. When we believe, trust and love him, he is always with us.

   1. So touched you shared this painful time that God used to rebirth you! May you continue to know God’s peace.

      1. Peggy,

         Thanks for sharing. I was struck when you reminded me that God never leaves nor does he forsake. This is the truth. How precious that you know after all that you have gone through. May you continue to know His presence and unconditional love.

6. I am overwhelmed by Christ’s expression and surrender to love me so fully. My mind cannot comprehend that kind of love and sacrifice. I am blessed and comforted, but I am also soberly stunned by the magnitude of what has been offered for and to me. And I ask myself have I taken it lightly? I have received his love and I am so grateful that I know Him, and I desire to be with Him and celebrate his love, but still I wonder if I am fully aware of what has been given. And what is so amazing, He does not require me to fully understand. I do not know if it is possible to understand. But when I spend time sitting and contemplating His unsurpassing, immeasurable love to give all for me I get a glimpse and that fills my heart with a love for Him and I then I desire to share more of me and I am filled again. “Grace Like Rain” by Chris Tomlin http://youtu.be/jwCTbhImNeI ministers to my spirit and expresses a response to grace that I truly appreciate.

   Your broken heart… there  all suffering has been suffered, all anguish lived, all loneliness endured, all abandonment felt and all agony cried out” (p37).

   A definitive time that I brought my broken heart to the Lord was when my father past away 16 years ago. The night he passed away I heard an audible voice say “I love you, Sharon”. At the time, I did not think God could speak audibly in this present day. So I thought it was my dad’s voice/spirit. His death was unexpected. I know now it was God’s voice that spoke to me. However, I did not know how to let the Lord have my grief and to receive comfort until four years later when I began the process of grieving the loss of my mother who passed away unexpectedly at age 2. The pain, sorrow and anguish that followed was hard to understand. I went for counseling with Christian guidance. It was then that I began to open up and understand that I could feel my sadness and not hold it in and actually cry about it. I had never cried about my mother’s death and absence. Stunning! 40 years of holding those emotions. The years of loneliness spilled out. I was able to release my sorrow slowly, as I become comfortable knowing that He is/was acquainted with all of my sorrows and tears. I went through lots of emotions even anger at the heavenly Father as I did not like how he allowed this for me and my brother and sister and also to be left with a father who was an alcoholic. My earthly father was devoted (gave us a great catholic education and introduction to knowing Jesus) and always said that he loved us and that we were so precious to him. The alcohol was his way of self medicating his own grief and guilt. But it was not ideal.

   God was calling me to let go of my pain. I had dreams about it. Surprisingly one was about being stuck in a boat similar to Noah’s ark that was sinking (water) and I was trying to close the windows to make sure the water wouldn’t come in, but that would insure that the boat would sink and I would drown. The process of grief was not under my control which I did not like and it made me afraid. Anyway, it was in those dark times that I came to experience His presence, peace, love, comfort and devotion to be there for me. Because of that time I am more able to come to Him and not be afraid. I recognize that only He can intimately know me and therefore love me perfectly. My heart is overwhelmed with how He loves. And I know that I will be in heaven with my parents some day and experience the fullness of their love together. I am living a more abundant life now. I don’t think about death every day. I see how He can love and I want to share that love with others.
   I am grateful too for this Lenten study as I have been spending more time in prayer, journaling, and reading. I am being challenged in other areas of my walk and grateful for the growth and peace I am seeing as a result of the reflections we have read and discussed and shared. I appreciate all that has been shared. It is hard to be vulnerable and transparent and I am grateful for the opportunity to be in a community that understands the need to share and focuses on His love, mercy and grace.

   1. I, too, like “Grace like Rain” – thanks for reminding me of that song.

7. Jesus sustained me during a crisis in my marriage, an extremely hurtful time. I had to bring the hurt and anger to Jesus because those emotions were poisoning me, physically and spiritually. The turning point came in a moment of anguish when I imagined that God and Satan were shooting dice for possession of my soul–and I prayed, “God, I want you to win me!” Peace neutralized the toxins; I decided to take refuge with the Lord.
   I journalled my way through the experience, beginning each entry with a “Dear Jesus.” It was like I presented Jesus with all the broken pieces of my heart, asking Him, “Can you fix this?” During this correspondence, Jesus’ love strengthened me and assured me I was a beloved daughter of God. As my strength and confidence returned, Jesus also taught me that God loves everyone else as much as He loves me, including those who hurt me. That realization was the prerequisite to learning how to forgive and then to embrace forgiveness as a gift that makes the restoration of our lives possible. I also learned to be more compassionate, less judging of those around me, which makes life a lot less painful–especially when dealing with the smaller conflicts between people. Miraculously, the marriage not only healed but blossomed into something far sweeter than I could have imagined.
   Since then, Mary’s words in the Magnificat, “God has done great things for me,” speak for me too, which brings me to the song of praise that has been with me for the last few months, “Holy Is Your Name” by David Haas, a version of Mary’s Song of Praise set to the Irish tune, Wild Mountain Thyme. It will set your heart dancing.

   1. To God be the glory! Amen!

8. Nouwen paints with words! His description of what my heart sees as “at the foot of the cross”: [“Your broken heart is the source of my salvation, the foundation of my hope, the cause of my love. It is the sacred place where all that was, is and ever shall be is held in unity. There all suffering has been suffered, all anguish lived, all loneliness endured, all abandonment felt and all agony cried out. There, human and divine love have kissed, and there God and all men and women of history are reconciled. All the tears of the human race have been cried there, all pain understood and all despair touched.”]

   In recent years, various descriptions of the cross with the crucified Jesus capture my soul. Protestants (that would include me), in my experiences, focus mostly on the resurrected Christ and seldom less on the agony of the cross. As I read these words, I find myself there at the foot of the cross, looking at the poverty of hope for humanity. The gravity of what Jesus endured is so vividly depicted in this paragraph, revealing a deeper understanding of pain and possibility being reconciled. The cross – with its nails and its violence, with Jesus and His suffering – portrays a unity of complete suffering and complete love for each person seeking His grace. A place of compassion, of intimate communion with God. Together, at the foot of the cross, all believers kneel in community, embracing each other’s pain, enduring alongside each other, encouraging one another. The violence of the crucifixion stands in stark contrast to the Perfect Love it represents, much like my sinfulness and God’s Grace.

9. What wonderful words at the very end of the chapter. “I know in this world that blood and water will never be separated – peace and anguish, joy and tears, love and agony. They will always be there leading my heart closer to you who gives your heart to my heart.” I think this statement is the key to happiness as a human.

   As a nurse who worked in Intensive Care, I cared for and saw people who experienced many people that had serious health events. Having experienced chronic health problems, loss of a brother unexpectedly, Alzheimer’s in my dad, I can attest that bad things happen all the time and we have no control over them. BUT the good is right there beside the bad. My Dad is an absolutely loveable person even though Alzheimer’s has made him into someone he was not before. Hours spent in bed with migraine became hours to pray, to rest, to contemplate all the good things in my life.

   Obviously, human nature intervenes and causes a “why me?” at different stages along the journey. This last sentence is so exciting – just to know that we aren’t alone – that bad things and unpleasant experiences are the expected. God isn’t the Easter bunny. We can’t push him around – what kind of God would he be if we could push him around? I’m thinking of a scripture which I don’t have time to look up where the Apostle Paul says, “I have learned to be content in everything.” Really good goal, and so lucky we have the Holy Spirit there to help us out!

   Have a super day. Marianne

10. I’ve often said that I’d like to be able to spare my children all pain, but I realize that for myself pain has taken me to a place of intimate connection with God, a sort of wordless plane beyond this one in a way. Perhaps our human pain communicates with Christ’s pain to draw us closer to him in a way nothing else does. It’s a mystery for sure.

    1. So true !

11. Forever Changed – I have written a previous note, but feel compelled to share this story. It may be of help to someone. Circumstances happen unwittingly to forever change our life. Tickets were bought for Stars on Ice for mother’s day as a gift. The music began to play – the stars skated. A great performance. Intermission time now. There I was coming back to the show, lights all off. Walking along the concrete a drop off stair – I missed seeing it and plunged onto the cement on my side. Unfortunately I broke my hip, pain intense, surgery awaited. My life had changed in a matter of minutes. I could rail against fate, or God. I didn’t – but acceptance did not come easily. I asked God “Why me”? I knew He was with me, that he would sustain but acceptance did not come easily. I had surgery, but could not do much of anything. I took up reading and knitting baby blankets, this filled my time. I had a dear husband who walked beside me all the way. Little by little change came into my soul – God was speaking to me. I read Henri Nouwen’s books, the bible. I saw I needed to change my thinking, my actions and give God the situation. Through all of this God gave me a new heart of patience, care, learning to live a life of faith. God’s ways became more meaningful although I have been a Christian since a child. But lessons I still needed to learn. Life was not all about me. There were those around me who needed a caring heart, so I told the Lord what ever He wants from me I would be His servant. To give, love and to pray. Sometimes I just sat quietly and listened to the voice within. I have been changed forever – I wonder why we hold so tightly to those things we cannot take with us when we reach our heavenly home. This incident brought me face to face with Jesus – I changed my thoughts, my longings and hopes. More prayers for others. The cleansing power of Jesus changed the way I think and see things. I must admit to the Lord that I did not like the accident, being immobile, but I know that my life has been forever changed. Thank you Lord even for the times that are tough, we learn through them. Never give up for the Lord walks with us through the troubles.

    1. thanks, Doris. Blessings to you.

12. I was moved by Henri’s references to the blood and the water, and the many times water is referred to in scripture in so many different ways and purposes. I am moved by this as I listened to this beautiful song by Hillsong United called ‘Oceans’. here is the link and I pray it also ministers to you as it has me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

    1. Thank you Sue for the beautiful insight with water in the Gospel. That really spoke to me. Each time I hear this song on the radio it completely draws me in, however watching the video with lyrics just now brought me to tears – joyfully. Water is a major calming source for me. Thank you for deepening its meaningfulness.

    2. “I am yours and you are mine” — that’s all that really matters. Thank you Lord Jesus for your love and embrace.

13. To appear before Jesus with all his pain and suffering to save mankind, I have to go beyond my own suffering and offer it to the Body and Blood of Jesus.

14. This scripture is very precious to me also. I appreciate Henri Nouwen’s words towards the end of the chapter “thank you, Jesus, for the mystery of your broken heart, a heart broken by us and for us, that has become now the source of forgiveness and new life. The blood and water flowing from your side show me the new life that is given to me through your death. It is a life of intimate communion with you and your Father…It is a life of peace, but also of struggle….” How amazing the scriptures are–the fact that Jesus died a human death and without his legs being broken. Jesus’ timing of his human death was between him and His Father and not managed by humans. My husband and I volunteer a lot of our time with the elderly in nursing homes. In our current society, the elderly in nursing homes are often especially among those who live lives of struggle and often feel abandoned. To me, this story of Jesus’ death on the cross, even in all of its details, offers such comfort that God did not abandon him, nor will He abandon any of His children and our whole lives and being with Him in eternity are very much held in the Palm of His Hands. Ironic how such a grim story can show so much the Love and Power of the Father and comfort us no matter how grim our own and people we love stories can also get.

15. The Lenten season has become meaningful to me. I have sensed God’s presence within as the Spirit speaks to me in the silence. Time alone with the Lord, speaking my thoughts; listening for that inner voice. Giving all of my life to the one who died on Calvary. The Lenten season – a time to remember what our Lord did for us. Dying on the cross we must bow our knee to Him and confess our sins, love others and never seeking the self life but giving all to our Lord. So as I sit and contemplate my thoughts I long only to be more Christlike. Christ has wrapped His arms of love around me, could I ask for more?

16. I am only 55 years old and what I want to share is a very personal part of my pilgrimage to this point of my life. The last 6 years I have suffered so much of the legitimate pain and suffering of being human through loss, anguish, fear, anger, loneliness, betrayal and rejection. During that time, I lost my business and house through painful bankruptcy. My oldest daughter (mother of 4 daughters) and her husband began the end of their marriage which that in and of itself was painful for me but then she was in a horrible car accident on Christmas Day which sent her into coma with a traumatic brain injury. During that time, my mother was diagnosed with 4th stage lung cancer and was soon to be set up on hospice at my sister’s home an hour away. She passed away while my 31 year old daughter was still in the hospital recovering from all her injuries and slowly coming out of her coma. Once she (my daughter) was home with us from the hospitalizations…there were endless therapy and other appointments I needed to drive her to and wait. I became her caretaker and it was a huge adjustment for my husband and the rest of our daughters, grandchildren and extended family. Not to mention also affecting our friends and church base. Any time one has a extended or prolonged hardship…things and relationships can get sifted through or shaken up.
    My faith in Jesus and my trust in the Father’s love have been my foundation through it all. Henri’s books (which I had read before and had been on my shelves) got the dust blown off of them and have become life savers along with the Bible as the anchor.
    To identify with Jesus in all his pain and suffering is such a gift. I love this part on page 37…”O Jesus, you were sent to us not to condemn us, but to reveal to us your love and your Father’s love. How much your heart wanted to give that love to me and to all people. Your only desire was that we would accept that love and let it TRANSFORM us into the children of your Father – your sisters and brothers.

    Another author, Father Richard Rohr said, “The significance of Jesus’ wounded body is his deliberate and conscious holding of the pain of the world and refusing to send it
    elsewhere. The wounds of Jesus were not necessary to convince God that we were lovable…the wounds are to convince US of the path and the price of transformation. They are what will happen to you if you face and hold sin in compassion instead of projecting it in hatred.”
    In other words to personalize that statement: My pain had great potential to become poison. Poison to me and to those I would choose to project it on. Staying close to the heart of Jesus even when all else is so big and alive in my face is what is transforming me…making me new. Sometimes it feels like a fiery furnace, sometimes it feels like a lonely desert…but through it all, knowing that Jesus has been through it all and is with me through it all makes for an amazing pilgrimage. His broken heart is not just for all of humanity…it is also for me.

    1. Dear Kathy,
       Thank you for sharing this heart-rending story. I am sorry for your pain, but I am also moved by your dependence and trust in God. You are truly inspirational. We are all going to be challenged in this life. Some more than others, and it is in our brokenness that we can be healed and when God can be our God.
       2 Corinthians 12:9-10
       But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
       God calls those to Calvary whom HE loves…and we are open to respond in love or not. Thank you for being such a beautiful witness. My prayers tomorrow will be for you and your family.
       mary

       1. yes, thank you for sharing these wounds and the seeds of wisdom and sharing them is priceless. Blessings on you.. Sue

          1. Thank you Mary. Thank you Sue. This is really the first time I am able to put this down in a written form publicly. It has been an amazing Lenten season for me this year in the way of feeling safe enough to voice these “wounds” through this journey.
             Your kind words are very much a blessing to me.

    2. Kathy thank you for sharing your story of trials & faith. When I was in my early 30s I too had year after year event after event of genuine human loss & suffering. The Old Testament book of Job was a great source of helping me stay faithful. Love remains the same no matter what events occur. To quote one of my great teachers: “Sometimes it’s the bumpy road & sometimes it’s the smooth road.” Also Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey has many reflections you may relate to. Godspeed on your journey Kathy with abundant blessings for you & yours. -Michelle

17. The broken heart of Jesus really speaks to me. A few decades ago, when I was in my 3rd year at University, I decided one afternoon in Lent to read the Passions all the way through the crucifixion in the Gospels. It was a beautiful Spring day not quite warm enough to open windows but when I layed down on my living room floor and began reading the sun was streaming into the room. I chose to read the stories as stories. Like any other historical reading. As best I could, I put aside any belief systems, mythos or any other interpretations I had been taught. I cleared my young mind and read. By the time I read the second Gospel Passion I realized tears where streaming down my cheeks and my heart was broken by the incredible cruelty. I kept reading. By the end of taking in all the Passions, I understood deeply the broken heartedness of an open heart. I realized by quieting my mind before reading I had opened my heart and allowed myself to feel another person’s pain, Jesus’s pain. That transcendent event was many years ago. In the time since I have learned over and over again that it is not what breaks our hearts that matters. It is attention and reverence to what is broken open. Jesus loved in all situations. He chose love. He didn’t argue “Hey don’t do that because it breaks my heart”. I believe when his heart was broken he looked in side to see what was there & he found love. Like the egg that needs to be broken or a seedling in the dark dirt that needs to be broken in order to take root. I read the other day that the first roots of a seedling are called radicals. Radicals establish the life of the future plant and can only happen if the seed is broken open. May you be blessed & always know you are loved in all ways. Be Loved. Choose Love as often as you are able. Be radical and let it grow!!! In peace, love & light.

    1. thanks for these thoughts..beautiful

    2. Michelle, thank you. Your insights have taught me a new, holy perspective. Lord, it is good for us to be here.

18. My wife and I treasure the our annual pilgrimage to hear the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra’s rendition of the great 18th century “adoration and praise” classic, The Messiah by G.F. Handel. The finale of that masterpiece is a version of “Worthy is the Lamb & Amen” written 250 years earlier than beautiful one Brynn provided. I find this majestic final chorus even more awesome than Handel’s more famous Hallelujah chorus. Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3x2fSxOeij4

19. Getting stuck in our pain…. So powerful. Often times I get stuck by my own choice even when God has obviously handed me a life line to get unstuck. I pray my father, who seems determined to wallow in grief and pain will see how harmful it is and choose to get out.
    Obedience is better than sacrifice! I Samuel 15:22

20. “Behold, I am making all things new.” Revelations 21:5. I pray this Lenten season will bring each of you healing and a new beginning. I feel humbled by our Lord’s amazing grace and mercy. I think back to my life that was filled with sin and I can only give God all the Glory. I am forever in debt for His sacrifice and forgiveness. This lesson beautifully depicted his amazing love and how we should try to live each day as a Thank You to Him!!

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