Reading: The Path of Peace (p 51-85)
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Welcome back to our virtual, but very real, community to continue our summer journey. This week we will consider The Path of Peace and reflect on Henri’s words as he tells the story of his friend Adam and “…let(s) him become the silent spokesperson of the peace that is not of this world.” (p 56)
But first, let’s briefly consider the impact that Henri’s relationship with Adam had on his life. Henri tells us, “As my fears of making a mistake or hurting Adam gradually decreased and as I became more relaxed with his routine…I began to experience a mutuality of love not based so much on shared knowledge or shared feelings, but on shared humanity. The longer I stayed with Adam the more clearly I recognized him as my gentle teacher…” (p 59-60) Yet Adam was unlike any teacher the highly educated and world-renowned priest, writer, and speaker had ever known. “Adam has never said a word to me. He will never do so. But every night as I put him to bed I say ‘thank you.'” (p 75)
Adam died on February 13, 1996 just as Henri was finishing the book we discussed last summer. There Henri wrote, “I dedicate Can You Drink this Cup? to Adam Arnett, my friend and teacher… I hope and pray that his life and death will continue to bear much fruit in the lives of all those who have known him and loved him so much.” Later that year the Lord called Henri home and I am certain he and Adam were reunited in love.
Now let’s turn to the reading for this week. Henri writes, “Adam’s particular gift of peace is rooted in his being and his heart and it always calls forth community.”
(p 61) This is a rich essay with many ideas to ponder.
The three included here are offered to help get us started. You may respond to these suggestions, share your thoughts on something that touched you, or follow along silently. Regardless of how you participate, you bless us with your presence in our community.
1. “How simple the truth that Adam teaches me, but how hard to live. Being is more important that doing.” (p 62)
In a world that values doing, what steps have you taken or would you like take to seek the peace that comes from being with the Lord and each other?
2. Henri tells us that the heart is the center of our being where God comes to dwell. He writes, “Adam keeps revealing to me, over and over again and in his own clear way, that what make us human is not primarily our minds but our hearts; it is not first of all our ability to think which gives us our particular identity in all of creation, but it is our ability to love.” (p 65-66)
What is your response to Henri’s insight as you look at the world today? How are you living out your humanity in love?
3. “Adam is gradually teaching me something about a peace that is not of this world. It is a peace… rooted in simply being present to each other and working together in harmony, a peace that speaks about the first love of God by which we are all held safe, and a peace that keeps calling us to community in a fellowship of the weak.” (p 75)
Can you share about one or more “communities” in your life where you experience the peace we described by Henri?
We have a wonderful week of rich sharing ahead of us.
I apologize for the late response to last week’s discussion. I did not have access to internet for several days but would like to weigh in on the topic now.
Like many of you, I am a doer, a Martha, a Type A personality, a list maker. I am keenly aware of the struggle to keep my own accomplishments in perspective, to be totally present to others, and to see periods of inaction as opportunities to hear the voice of God. I am totally in awe of Henri Nouwen, who had the courage to surrender a life of intellectual achievement for selfless commitment to members of the L’Arche community. The message of “The Path of Peace” is challenging for me, but I do get it.
I would posit, however, that we doers can also view our wiring as a potential gift from God. For example, despite getting on in years, I still have boundless energy, a great work ethic, and good organizational skills. I have long been the go-to girl for many projects in the church and other organizations. As long as my motivation for “doing” is not driven by the desire for praise or self-satisfaction, I feel responsible for using these gifts in the service of others. The world has so many needs. However, I had better guard against becoming, as Henri say, the “self-sufficient star,” and I had better regard these gifts as blessed, unearned graces from God.
We doers might take our cues from Richard Rohr’s philosophy of action and contemplation. Before we act, we should contemplate our motive and our mission: What is God calling me to do? How will my actions further the kingdom of God on earth? Then while we act and after we act, we must circle back to contemplation: Has my motivation shifted toward self-service or self-aggrandizement? Have I been so obsessed with busy-ness that I have lost the joy of the moment, gratitude for that meal I just gulped down on the run, appreciation for the health and mental capacity that permitted me to act in the first place?
For the doers in our group, I recommend Doris Donnelly’s beatitudes-based examination of conscience where she poses questions such as these: Are my energies and passions focused on Christ, or are they scattered, disordered, divided? Do I deflect the attention and honor due to God and claim these things for myself? Is my presence a source of peace to those around me?
I look forward to further discussions of how to find the doing/being balance in my life. Thanks to all of you for helping me to find my way home.
Elaine,
I have also copied this to the post for the current week so that it will be seen by the entire group. I replied to your their as well.
Ray
Love your take Elaine~ ditto doer~ great suggestions for staying on track and clear on motivation~ thank you, God bless! Kathy
Hello this is Sallie and it is my first blog! I have for 23 years journeyed with my daughter who is autistic and I can imagine Henri in his struggles and how L’Arche brought him a sense of ‘being’. Over the years I have experienced highs and lows. However, my daughter Charlotte who despite her struggles, seems to have gone with the flow. She is so in tune with who ‘she is’ as a person and how happy she is with the person she has become. She doesn’t yearn to be different, to change or to be like anyone else. She is happy to ‘be’ Charlotte. How contrary to me! Who is always trying to be better and perfect myself in whatever way I can, beating myself up when I fail and always looking for improvement, as if ‘half ok’ is not good enough! Charlotte doesn’t see life this way at all! She is happy with the simplest of tasks she achieves in her day. She has moved from one place to another and has never been defeated by the challenges. I have learned more from her over the years than she ever has ever learned from me and I am so grateful she is part of my life and our family life. I have so enjoyed Henri Nouwen’s books that brought comfort to me during my hardest moments. God truly works in wonderful ways and brings the most amazing people into our lives that touch us in a remarkable way and help us become the people God wants us to be. Charlotte is in a loving home similar to L’Arche and it is full of the most amazing people of all different ages, but this doesn’t seem to matter. They may not always see eye to eye but somehow, they understand one another. They understand one another’s most vulnerable needs ‘at heart level’. They seem to ‘read’ one another as if they have their own particular communication skill that only they can understand. For instance I sometimes find one particular resident difficult to understand, .but Charlotte will immediately understand perfectly what they are trying to say. Despite her apparent disabilities to the world, she has profound abilities, as do each one of the people living there. As Henri said ‘Peace is a gift from God often hidden from the wise and wealthy and revealed to those who feel empty, inarticulate and poor’. So true. Sorry a long blog ..apologies if I have rambled! Still trying to perfect myself!! I am so enjoying reading the blogs and the wonderful book, blessings to all. I look forward to the next chapter!
Welcome Sallie! Thank you for joining us and sharing the loving story of you and your daughter. I have copied your comment to the post for July 19th to 25th The Path of Waiting to make sure that the others will see it as well.
Ray
As we come to the end of another week, here are several thoughts I had while reflecting on the reading this week.
Henri beautifully describes how Adam became his teacher. But I think it is interesting and, perhaps, related to each of us that Henri writes, “As my fears of making a mistake or hurting Adam gradually decreased…I recognized him as my gentle teacher…” It seems to me that Henri needed to learn to “trust” in his relationship with Adam before Adam could become his teacher. Isn’t the same thing true in our human relationships–and our relationship with God? Lasting and life-giving relationships are based on trust founded in love.
The truth that “being is more important than doing” is certainly one that I continue to struggle with. But I believe I am making some progress. I have a 60 minute commuter bus ride to Washington, DC four mornings a week and a 75 minute ride home. I treasure this time for “being” even while surrounded by other people. The morning ride is largely given over to prayer that usually sets the tone for the remainder of the day. The afternoon ride is generally used for reading and reflection. In both cases, the act of “being” on the bus and unable to “do” anything else provides the opportunity to share special time with the Lord.
Henri writes that what gives us our particular identity is our ability to love. He goes on to say that “Adam is all heart. And it is his heart that is made in the image and likeness of God.” As St. John tells us, “God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” (1 John 4:16). Therefore, it is our heart–our ability to love–that makes us in the image of the God who is love.
I’m already looking forward to Sunday and another wonderful week of sharing.
From Lori Jo
My life’s work was as an elementary school teacher (retired after 33 years!). I explained each September to “my girls and boys” that I was their “classroom teacher” — defined as preparing lessons and evaluating student progress in a joyful and inclusive manner. I also taught them that teachers are all around us – first their parents and family, friends, neighbors, church, and even a little bird, who can teach us about hard work and faith. We would look at a discarded robin’s nest in awe of the perfect home for those baby blue eggs. When Henri Nouwen’s teacher, Adam, gives Henri a heartfelt meaning to God’s love, enriching what biblical scholars teach, I smiled ! Each person who so generously shares on this site is my teacher.
Facilitator’s Note: Just posted about the reading last week. Copied to this week so everyone can see it.
From Amanda C
In reading this first section on power and theology of weakness, I am struck by how this very truth has been playing out in the circles of my local church. This book has just given more insight and specifics to the generalities of where we feel the heart of our congregation is going. I have never before seen a pastor become so openly broken in the presence of his parishioners and cry out for us to follow him into this place of broken submission to the heart, will, love of our Father. When I read about the powerlessness of God unmasking the games of the church, my heart swelled. This is our prayer. We take our masks off, show each other our weaknesses, and love one another with Godly love. We have a long way to go, but reading this book so far has been a huge confirmation of the journey we are on.
I intentionally took our book to read following my daily swim this week so that I could slip from doing and find time to BE in Henri’s trusted company. I have not, like the rest of my companions, been disappointed .
Right from the start Henri is honest and vulnerable about his capacity to “teach” about the path of peace immediately you trust him and focus on what is to come. The reality of life of Adam planted the seed idea ” valued hearts of equal worth but different expression ” experiencing deep peace alongside each other and inviting community to join in compassionate agape love freely shared. In that reading were all sorts of opportunities to consider the balance between doing and being in the present moment.
Thank you online friends , Henri for your purity of heart and the spirit for helping me BE still enough to hear My Father’s gentle whisper. Looking forward the next step towards our home.
Gilly
Choosing to BE is being intentional about relationships regardless of where you are and who you are with. I am a list maker, so “doing” comes very natural for me. When I make a list, I am driven to cross each task off as soon as possible in order to feel fulfilled. But I have noticed at times, “being” crosses paths with “doing”. Let me list some real-life examples that have come to mind.
1. My wife does our grocery shopping. She often comes home and talks about her interactions with a clerk or other customer while standing in the check out line. Often she will whisper a prayer and be alert to what line she chooses to go through based on the Holy Spirit leading and her own God-given intuition. These moments of interaction usually lead to her listening to others and responding in an encouraging way to help brighten up the individuals day. If all else is a negative for that individual, perhaps they can hold on to a few uplifting words of encouragement to help them through their day. A seed planted. Doing (grocery shopping) intersecting with being (providing a listening ear and being available).
2. The other day, I was working alongside a coworker doing a repetitive task. She had mentioned that her top Love Language was Quality Time. (Facilitator’s Note: Based on the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.) She had stated that even if there was little conversation, the fact that we were “doing” our work task side-by-side was enough to fulfill this love language for her. This sent my thinking to another task that is not always a favored task in my home: washing dishes. Even though we have a dishwasher, I often choose to hand wash our dishes and ask someone else in my family to help. This has more often than not, been a great time to talk about the day, share funny stories or even stir up a serious conversation about relationships and the best way to deal with them. “Doing” the dishes crosses the path of “being” available to share in both serious and relaxed conversations with a family member.
3. I have a friend by the name of Adam (how great is it that my Adam has also taught me a lesson about “being”) who has been helping me look at life issues in a different light. He and I have spent time together sharing at a deeper level, sharpening each other. There have been moments along our journey where Adam has stated, “This is a sacred moment”. These moments always occur when God is brought into the relationship and His presence is recognized in that moment. One particular time I recall eating breakfast at an outdoor cafe. The weather was cool and calm, the conversation was enriching, and the food was good. It was a sacred moment. God’s blessing for that moment was fulfilling. So doing (eating breakfast, talking) crosses being (spending time together, recognizing God’s presence).
So whether you are grocery shopping, washing dishes, doing some repetitive task, or just doing life together, choosing to BE boils down to being available for each other. Inviting God into these relationship can lead to many more sacred moments.
Someone earlier this week mentioned the serenity prayer which I love and say daily. Contentment, serenity and solitude seem to be the words that embody this “Peace” Henri has discovered through his relationship with Adam. In successfully fighting my food addiction one day at a time, I have learned that I must have daily solitude with my God to keep the abstinence and maintain the large weight loss I’ve been given. Beside beginning to “know” that peace that passes understanding, an added side effect has been that I feel truly connected to my family, friends and work associates for the first time in my life. Although I do not understand it, I GET now that this giving myself over in surrender to Gods will and to serenity and peace leads me mysteriously to community and connectedness. Gods ways are not my ways but they get me to where I truly want to be in life. My “doing” ways, filled with self-will and strained relationships never satisfied, but this “being” life I am slowly learning is bringing me joy like I’ve never known. All praises be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Thanks to each of you for your heartfelt sharing. It is a testament to the gift of Henri and his friend and teacher Adam that Henri’s telling of their story evokes such beautiful,, compassionate, and inspiring responses. It is a blessing to that we have joined together on this journey.
Ray
I have read “The Path of Peace” so many times this week, first for understanding but then because this beautiful story of Adam evoked so many feelings, bringing back to memory several “silent spokespersons of the peace that is not of this world.” In my medical practice, I always had a facility in dealing with the disabled. I saw that as a gift I had been blessed with, an ability I had and was thankful for because sometimes it was demanding. Looking back I realize that I interacted with these folks just as the world demanded, treating them with respect and kindness all the while being anxious to return to the job at hand. I never realized what a gift these people were in my life, foolishly thinking I was the one with the gift.
I think of Cecile, an intellectually disabled grade school classmate. Every year on her birthday she would march into my office announcing that today was her birthday, expecting a gift. I would always ask her how old she was. She would refuse to answer; I’d remind her that I knew because we were in school together. Waving her fist at me with the biggest smile on her face she’d make me promise that I would not tell or she’d get back at me. That smile is part of the smile on my face today.
I think of my brother in law, one of the kindest people I know. Paul despite his intellectually disabilities never gave up and managed to get his driver’s license and a job after many, many attempts. He has a most beautiful voice gracing several churches every Sunday. He visits the sick and the nursing home bound people he knows as part of his weekly routine and keeps us abreast of the people we knew in our hometown. His peaceful demeanor is not unlike the first pope John Paul. I see the effect he has on the people in our small hometown who all look out for him.
And we call this a disability???
The gift I thought I had, the facility to deal with the mentally challenged, I realize now that the Ceciles and Pauls in my life are the gift. This is my community and if there’s a prayer in my heart today, it’s that I could be more like them.
This morning as I continued reflecting on the path of peace, Mother Teresa came to mind, probably because of one of today’s study questions in our Little Rock Scripture Study: “Have you witnessed or experienced someone practicing the teachings of Jesus concerning responding to evil or those who mean harm (Mt 5:38-48)”. I was remembering how people criticized Mother Teresa for stating things so simply: Love God and love your neighbor. All those world leaders with their maneuverings and politics and behind-the-scenes deals challenged her about what she was doing, saying she wouldn’t change the world by picking up people dying in the streets, but she just went on doing it, remarking that God didn’t call us to be successful, but to be faithful. She saw Christ in each abandoned person, in all those “Adams”, and that was all that mattered. She had all the time in the world for each individual and refused to be deflected from each one by any “thing” that needed doing. I have a friend who knew her and love hearing his stories about her. I think this would be where community comes in: we need to be reminded of the things that really matter so that the world’s siren call to busy-ness doesn’t deflect us and pull us off the path. We need to be around others who value being present to each other and working harmoniously with each other so that we don’t slip back into the violence of competitiveness and fighting for success. I have felt the lack of a community that calls me to faithfulness because nothing much was going on in our parish. Our Benedictine monastery, that has been for me a treasured community and source of inspiration for 31 years, closed its doors in December. Looking for a community in which to discuss values and living the Christian life in depth was one of the reasons I agreed to co-facilitate the JustFaith class. I figured we’d have to build some kind of caring community if we were going to confront all those instances of violence and injustice in the world, grieve over them, and not give up but rather listen closely to what ideas God has for each of us to make a difference in the world. Now that the weekly classes are over, it looks like only two or three of us are committed enough to keep meeting occasionally, so I may not have yet found what I feel I need. I’m sure hoping something opens up, because I’m understanding more and more that I need to grow out of my comfortable, Lone Ranger, independent comfort zone and become committed to a more communal approach to life.
Really appreciated what you shared, Cel. I find too that I always need a more communal approach to life. Interestingly, when there are obstacles to this in my own small congregation, I have found that deep meaningful connections have been possible to be made with other faith communities–I attribute this surprising result to the fact that God wants to show me how big He is and that He is everywhere and it helps me to feel more the peace and reconciliation He is always reaching down to bring to me and to bring to the whole world. Usually though I have to go through the frustration of feeling lack to enter into the new space of needing and hoping and praying for new acceptance and understanding and love and relationships in unexpected places–which are nevertheless the most conveniently available to me–to find that I myself am made able to give new acceptance and understanding and love and relationship to others and I become more thankful and appreciative than I was before. It’s mysterious and beyond my control.
My prayer is that God will continue helping you to seek the people and communal approach to life that will bring you joy and experiences you will know He is working in your life and understanding will result.
Thanks,Sharon. Yes, God is much larger than the divisions WE make. One of Henri’s gifts was that he was ecumenical to an astounding degree, so willing to celebrate God seekers no matter what route they took. He’s always an inspiration to focus on what unites us rather than look for – and judge, going back to last week – the things that divide.
Because I am a late arrival, I have only just completed reading your comments on the first chapter, “The Path of Power.” I was surprised to find that I collided with several of the comments, as is my usual uncomfortable experience. Particularly with Cel and others, the discussion of group dynamics and power plays provided me with some insight that I have been seeking in regard to my struggles in groups.
I always have felt like an interloper — and a quite unwelcome one at that. I have been often accused of “taking over the discussion.” When that has happened, I have been very sad, because the reason I chose to speak up and share my understanding has been a felt need to address what I was seeing as an absence of love and caring within the group. Being a newcomer, or a recent arrival anyway, I always hesitate to jump in with my reflections. But as I witness unkindness or forcefulness and so on, I feel I do not have any other choice. (And a bonus is that, whenI have managed to stick with a group for a while, and keep attending and speaking up, I notice gradually an alteration in the type and quality of discussion that emerges over time.)
Most recently, for example, a member of a group that I have been attending for a few months confessed to something quite personally painful that had happened some years ago, and that he owned was still troubling him. Immediately others piped up, insisting that he must forgive himself. That was when I felt I could not remain silent. I had to say that forgiving ourselves is always difficult, and each of us is on our own timetable. We can’t force it. We must pray that God will help us to learn to forgive ourselves, and we must ask God’s help in being patient with ourselves, for as long as it takes to find that forgiveness within ourselves.
That night’s leader immediately cut me off, thus ending the possibility for further reflection by other members of the group, and I was sad and frustrated. I felt so helpless to do anything that might help her see that instead of helping, she was standing in her own way and preventing the sharing of love and concern.
The need to let go of such incidents (that happen too often for me to ignore) is a palpable force in my life, and reiterated in the chapter on Power. Yet I feel terribly sad that I am so helpless to provide encouragement and a bit of experience — gained over a lifetime of my own struggles — and I feel deeply hurt and rejected by the anger, bitterness, and coldness I feel from other people in such situations. I don’t know what to say or do to bring peace and comfort to myself as well as the others in such a situation. I go away not wanting to return, feeling like an outsider who is forever unwelcome in the world and by people in the church, where I so much want to be.
But in the next day or so I show up for another reason, and a member of the group will offer me a hug and words of love. So I don’t give up. But I don’t know how to be at ease among people where my words and my love appear to be unwelcome.
My weakness is so very much in my face every day of my life, and I wish for others to know what that is like — not that they would suffer, but that they might develop the compassion to witness and feel another’s pain as closely as if it were their own. My experiences of suffering, it seems to me, have made it much easier for me to see the same in others, and to have compassion for it and for them.
So I have compassion for those who hate me for speaking up, but I don’t know how to be among them in community, because I am afraid of them. My stick and my gun seem to be the feelings of fear and rejection that keep me apart.
I identify with Nouwen’s writings. He speaks to me through identification, as do the words of scripture. It is as if he has walked the same kind of path I have to walk.
I simply want to love and be treated gently, but I don’t find that. And in response, I don’t know how to share my love, because others seem not to want it.
I think it is hard to learn compassion without having really suffered. But suffering does not only exist in Africa or South America, or Asia. It is often sharing a pew with us. If we are looking, we can see it in our Bible study or other small group, as well as on the street we walk or drive along to get to work or shopping. That is really all that I want to share with people. Their sister, or their neighbor, or the old lady they brush past as they hurry to lunch after church, may be in need of their help — their immediate help, financially, physically, emotionally, or otherwise. But they seem to be too busy to notice that there is help that is needed, sitting right beside them. And if they don’t want to hear it, I can’t tell them. So here we are, we two. One in need, and the other unable to see me.
I will keep praying for the courage to stay out there among people and that God will help me to have the strength to keep trying to share what he has shown me. And I will keep reading. Because Nouwen has many good things to teach. And the discussion on the Power chapter has added much to my understanding.
Laura, what a beautiful and honest post. It does hurt to feel at odds in a group of people that you expect to be more in tune with you. I got quite frustrated in our JustFaith group because people were rejecting things in the assigned readings or discussion topics that made them uncomfortable. I learned though, from persevering and also from the excellent facilitator support materials that JustFaith provides, that if we present what we believe and feel in a way respectful of other people not being in the same place–and without pressure, they hear it and are free to reflect on it later and often in depth. Once a new idea or way of thinking has been presented, a person can never go back to his or her original “innocence” and old ideas; that new approach keeps coming to mind and disturbing the status quo. We, meanwhile, have to let go of our need to know we’ve convinced a person that our way is better and give the Spirit time to work in people’s hearts. Because I have worked with the poor and studied the Church’s social justice teachings, I of course thought I knew more than others in the group for whom they were totally new–a good opening for God to work on some humility lessons on me. I began to let go of my expertise and listen to the other people’s responses to the materials, and gained new insights into justice and poverty. The others, as time went on, frequently repeated things I had said. All of us learned together, as a community, how God is speaking about social justice in our town at this particular time and what he might be wanting done differently. Another thing that really helped was the emphasis on prayer at the beginning and end of each class, and the reminder in each opening prayer that we were to listen respectfully to each other, never contradicting, but receiving what was said in reverence to the person saying it. As a DRE for 23 years, I had led what seemed like millions of groups, but never had I learned like I did in guiding this group through tough and often controversial topics. So pray for your group. One thing that might help is, before you go to each meeting, to ask your guardian angel to interact with the guardian angels of the other participants so that they can help all of you hear and respond with your hearts rather than with any power or ego issues. I had always done that when going into meetings that I feared might be confrontations, but never for a study group, but it sure helped with JustFaith, probably because it geared me to be more respectful – even reverential – of anyone who disagreed with me. I hope some of this will help. As I grow, I believe more and more deeply that we critically need to form small faith groups in our parishes, which are often too large and too busy for us to nurture and support each other otherwise. I’m hoping I’m learning enough about my rough edges to smooth them off so that I can be a good member of a truly faith-full group.
Laura,
I want to echo Cel’s thanks for your beautiful and honest post.
Here is a prayer by St. Thomas Aquinas that I found many years ago that is comforting and helpful to me when preparing for what might be a difficult meeting or a presentation.
Creator of all things, true source of light and wisdom, origin of all being, graciously let a ray of your light penetrate into the darkness of my understanding. Take from me the double darkness in which I have been born, an obscurity of sin and ignorance. Give me a keen understanding, a retentive memory, and the ability to grasp things correctly and fundamentally.
Grant me the talent of being exact in my explanations and the ability to express myself with thoroughness and charm.
Point out the beginning, direct the process, and help in the completion. I ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.
May the Lord give you peace. (St. Francis of Assisi’s greeting to those he met.)
From Laura
Coming late to the party, but with enthusiasm.
I am in Colorado, and my journey has already been long and winding and difficult in very many ways. For now, I seek healing from mysterious ailments of long standing, with God’s help, having been led to specialists far from home.
Part of that healing will be to learn to what degree medicine will be able to alleviate my suffering, and also to discover what limitations will remain, and following upon that, I seek to grow in understanding and acceptance both of my physical life and of my role in ministry.
Fr. Henri Nouwen’s writings speak to my heart. Profound yet simple, he leads us to the message of our faith. He would have probably known many people on his journey in life who studied deep theological issues. Yet Henri writes about dear Adam as his teacher. I learned so much from Henri’s description of his time with Adam. The greatest lesson is that God calls the world to receive the gift of peace by being His beloved. Profound yet simple.
Lori Your contrast between the learned people and the simple Adam is heart-warming. Such a deep and pleasant thought. Thank you.
Jerry
“It is a peace… rooted in simply being present to each other and working together in harmony, a peace that speaks about the first love of God by which we are all held safe, and a peace that keeps calling us to community in a fellowship of the weak.”
“Can you share about one or more “communities” in your life where you experience the peace we described by Henri?”
Here lies the rub~
My most intimate, most important, most vital relationships ~ are the broken in my life. I can easily own my brokenness while clinging to the knowledge that I am loved just as I am by my God. They are also loved and accepted just as they are in their brokenness.
I pray daily for guidance and acceptance of what is. I crave peace. I crave harmony. Yet somehow in moments of turmoil when I am feeling most threatened and most unsafe not only do I NOT pray I allow myself to become part of the ugliness and add fuel to the flames of distrust and hurt.
I am the only one in this equation who is actively committed to a prayer life. I am the only one in this equation that daily sits quietly with my God of Great Mystery and implores intervention for my brokenness. I am part of a strong faith community. I go to the sages and read the words of direction and comfort. I know the teachings of Jesus both by example and word. I believe Jesus IS the Word made flesh. Yet I feel so terribly alone at times and I become not part of the solution BUT part of the problem.
I say the Serenity Prayer. I hand things over~ then I grab all of it back and try to make sense of it and I can’t.
There is so much I cannot control and I KNOW that so when will I just accept this is my mission . I get so sad and tired and discouraged but these tough times do pass and again there is a new equilibrium until the next explosion and I am desperate again.
I will continue to pray. I will continue to beg for wisdom. I will continue to believe there is hope and that I am loved by my Great Creator God and loved by my Redeemer, Jesus and loved by my great Sanctifier, the Holy Spirit.
I am touched by your honest sharing. My prayer for you is that as you journey on, you will experience more and more of God’s peace that surpasses all understanding.
Blessings to you,
Jeanette
Thank you Jeanette. Kathy
Many thoughtful comments. This chapter was difficult for me. At first, I felt like Henri was reflecting his thoughts and concerns off of Adam. A feeling much like a child talking to a doll and responding. But the relationship grew deeper through just “being” with Adam. Soon, this man of letters and deep spiritual faith was finding answers in “being” with Adam he had never had.
This represents several ideas. To begin our seeking, we look deep within and ask God to help us. When we find deeper understanding, we find deeper peace with ourselves. The feelings related to “being” with another are much deeper than “doing” something with them.
This chapter will have to be read and meditated on many, many times to reap its beautiful truths.
Perhaps, it is in “being” with others that we are finally able to accept “being” in solitude with ourselves. Maybe solitude calls us to community and community strengthens and enriches our solitude. And, in in both cases, it is “being” rather than “doing” that is the key. (Reminder to self: God’s name is I AM, not I DO.)
Ray
Hi Ray
As usual, you add more to think about. I just passed a building in DC yesterday. It had carved name ” I AM” Maybe time to see it. Ironic isn’t it!
Jerry
Great chapter. Loved reading about how Adam had impacted Henri’s life. I am a religious sister,so you may find it strange to believe that I have difficulty finding moments of peace in my life. I am by nature a “worrier” (like Martha in the Gospel). However, I try to begin my day with 20 -30 minutes of “Centred Prayer” to find that inner and deep peace before moving onto meditation of the Gospel. Not easy!!! And I am reminded that peace is a gift and not something I can conjure up myself.That 20 or 30 minutes is my just “being” with Jesus, without words (apart from the mantra when distractions come). When I do experience that peace it certainly brings more of a calmness to the remaining activities of the day. The other thing I have to tell myself is that its OK to have moments of just BEING (outside of prayer time) maybe relaxing in front of the TV, enjoying a good friend or, heaven forbid, reading a novel!!! (not a spiritual book). First and foremost we are human BEINGs and not a human DOINGs. So surely our first “calling” is to “be” rather than to “do”.
Today’s daily Nouwen e-mail meditation reminded me (again) that I am trying to live out of the experience of being beloved. The “aha” moment I experienced during the study last December, a real, deep sense of being beloved, has faded into the ho hum of ordinary life and I’m now having to blindly trust that I’m loved since the emotional “high” is gone, which is always much harder. One of the last posts on the blog for the Advent study was a suggestion from someone to write a personal mission statement to live by. After a week or so, suddenly one morning a mission statement blazed into my consciousness, out of the blue, really surprising me. I spent some time writing it into a statement that reminded me of that “aha” moment and could be something to judge my life by, and every morning as I begin morning prayer I reread it to keep it before my eyes. Some mornings my reaction to is “So what.” and I have to dredge up some enthusiasm. Other mornings, like today, some graced reading or experience brings a touch of the December experience as a blessing, and I’m uplifted from the ho hum and grateful for having had that insight into my relationship with God. Today that meditation, my mission statement and my musings on the questions for this week’s chapter of our current study crystallized some thoughts that I’d been mulling over.
I’ve been reflecting on my struggles to be a human “being” rather than a human “doing,” which I’ve been pretty exclusively most of my life. One of my major projects when I retired 14 months ago was to concentrate on being, to learn to let go of filling my days with things I HAD to get done and the ensuing stress of working against all obstacles and blocks to complete my goal on time. A couple of injuries, and now surgery, have helped the process and I’m sure are God’s teasing response to my resolution. Mulling over my experiences has been enriched by facilitating JustFaith in my parish during the last 9 months. JustFaith is a study of the Church’s social justice teachings AND conditions of poverty and injustice around the world. One of the books we read was Henri’s Compassion, one of my all time favorites of his writings. After we covered peace vs. violence (last topic, in May), I found a biography of Henri that mentioned several books/booklets he wrote on peace. I got those and read them. Now our current study has helped crystallize all my reflections to focus on how violent I really actually am in all my rushing and focus on accomplishing things. How often. Have I been too project oriented to notice the person who really just needed me to sit quietly and be with them? Even during my therapy dog visits to the nursing homes, which are great experiences of being with the suffering and bringing them the joy of interacting with a dog (something sorely missed by many people in institutions), do I worry about seeing EVERYONE rather than on quality interactions with a few? How often am I uncomfortable to sit silently as they pet my dog; instead I frantically try to think of something to say or give up and move away. The biography, which I found so moving I had to read twice, mentioned Henri struggling to learn to slow down and “be” with the clients and not rush them. Adam taught him that by having seizures when Henri tried to rush his morning routine because he (Henri) wanted to get on with more “important” projects. That sure brought home to me that I do violence to people, a horrifying thought. So my reflections lately have been to start looking for those “little” violences in my life, acknowledging them, repenting the damage they do, and learn to let go of the need to be a person who “gets things done.” I wish I weren’t such a slow learner! I’m sure God is chuckling and thinking, Ah, yes, my dear beloved one, just wait until I reveal to you the next thing you need to learn”. As long as I can remember I’m loved right now with all my warts and wrinkles, I’ll be able to resist discouragement over how little I’ve learned about what really matters in life and be ready for the next session in being.
I have a process I’m doing right now (and I may do it every summer) whereby I put everything I could commit to on a Post it note. I have them stuck to the wall. When I go by, I stop and look and move up the ones that should be priority and move down the ones that don’t give me peace and joy. This process stops me from blindly accepting commitments which I don’t really have a heart for.
For question 2, I think it is Henri Nouwen who helped me get over the fear of “the state of the declining world”. I have a large segment underlined and I’ve got the Kindle version, so page numbers are wonky. P. 538 “Always remember that the peace which you search for is not of this world. Do not let yourself get distracted by the great noises of war, the dramatic descriptions of misery, and the sensational expressions of human cruelty…………Keep your eyes on the Prince of Peace- the one who doesn’t cling to his power.” There’s not much I can say to explain the solution any better. It’s where we put our eyes.
Great idea about the Post It notes! How neat to be able to move them around as you reflect on and interact with them.
By the way, I enjoyed so much seeing the picture of Adam and Henri–they say “a picture is often worth more than 1,000 words” and actually seeing them together, this was certainly true for me.
Henri Nouwen writes something on page 67 of his book which I believe deeply: “Here we are touching the origin of the spiritual life. We sometimes think that the spiritual life is the last to come, following the development…………It is the divine gift of love that constitutes the spiritual life and makes the human person able to reveal to others a presence much greater than oneself.” Page 64 “As I cover him with his sheets and blankets and turn out the lights, I pray with Adam. He is always very quiet as if he knows that my praying voice sounds a little different from my speaking voice.” There as just a few instances in Henri Nouwen’s chapter on “Peace” that indicate that there is much going on in his relationship with Adam that is much more subtle than can be captured by using words to write about it. The people I volunteer with are people in nursing home. Every Saturday afternoon we have a worship service with about 26 people who are from diverse faith backgrounds and then on Monday afternoons I help with the Pokeeno (similar to Bingo). The challenge is to be with these people in a way that responds to their needs and does not impose things on them which are not helpful but more controlling than anything. I am convinced that these people, in their extreme vulnerability, have great gifts to contribute in helping us to be more relational, more human, more responsive to God’s call on our lives, than we would be if they were not in our lives at all. Learning from them takes on greater meaning when we start realizing the types of gifts that are from “being” and not “doing”. There is no doubt in my mind that nurses, nurses aides, doctors, so forth, all the people who have employment in helping people also learn from the elderly’s gifts too, but, being a volunteer, I am extremely grateful to be able to “take time” to be with someone who is vulnerable and try to get to know and understand the “subtle communications” they are capable of–often it seems like the most profound thing I can do in living life and to find meaning too, as Henri Nouwen so well expresses.
“Hey, tell me, what is a turkey in suspense?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow!”
Rimshot Link: http://bit.ly/1Rc0VKE
Facilitator’s Note: Just yesterday I had to look up the definition of “rimshot” when reading something on Twitter. I thought I might not be the only one over 60 that didn’t know the term and I decided to share. So, what is a “Rimshot”? It’s the common name for a musical phrase played on percussion instruments used to punctuate jokes. You hear one by clicking on the link above. The more appropriate term for this percussion technique is “a sting.” Clearly, this wonderful joke is very deserving of a Rimshot.
In a world that values doing, what steps have you taken or would you like take to seek the peace that comes from being with the Lord and each other? This is a difficult one and a fleeting one. To just be and to be okay with just being. It is when I am relaxed, feel safe, and at peace deep within my soul that I am comfortable to just be. The first time I practiced this was at a time when I was full of despair. I was very disturbed and anxious. I sat in a tub of warm water for comfort and repeated to myself “Be still and know that I am God.” “Be still and know that I am.” Be still and know.” “Be still.” “Be.” As I repeated this over and over my anxiety began to lift and I began to relax. I started to sense a calm and peace come over me. I remember the first time I practiced this in the presence of someone else. It was with my father. We were sitting in a swing in my back yard a few days before my Mother’s birthday. I was concentrating on being in the moment. I was at peace and enjoying my dad’s presence. We had not sat alone like this in many years. I wanted to bake a cake for my mom’s birthday and it came to me I didn’t know what her favorite cake was. So I asked my dad. He didn’t know either. Funny we spend a lifetime with one another and don’t know what ones favorite cake is. A little thing, yet an indication of how little we pay attention.
I have watched small children asleep and paused to think how sweet, innocent and precious they are in the calm and peace of sleep. I watched my dog sleeping yesterday, curled up in a little ball. He was so sweet and peaceful. I wanted to just cuddle next to him and hold him and just be.
I remember being around a lady at a conference who had a calm and peace about her that just made you want to draw near. She was not loud or talkative. She did not try to be the center of attention. Rather she sat calmly listened and spoke gently when spoken to. I wanted her peace and serenity. When one is at peace and just being, it invites others to draw near.
Renelle: thanks so much. what a wonderful share you posted here. be still and know that I am God . This has been a real challenge for me in my life from the wounded-ness in my immediately family.
My mother’s beloved, elder, only brother committed suicide when I was four years old and the pain that entered our family at that moment was cataclysmic. My mother, and my mother’s mother, were always “doing” and never “just being”.
They would even argue over what chores like laundry or dishes would be done by whom. I was very troubled as a young boy by this tug of war between them that I was constantly witnessing. Its similar to that Bible story of Jesus, Martha and Mary. As a young boy, I finally found the words to ask my Mother and my grandmother: “Why do you two fight over such things as the chores?”
They would not answer and I pressed them. At that time I was too young to understand the means of my Uncle’s suicide, I only knew that he had died and was no longer with us. Finally, they explained their behavior this way:
Your uncle died but did not go to heaven. He went to a place called purgatory. We have to make sacrifices for him because all of our sufferings each day will be offered up to Jesus to help lift him to heaven from purgatory.
I could not understand this at all but the pressing of them for an explanation did tone the arguments down a bit.
Many years later when I married, my wife said to me: “your mother and grandmother are always doing, they just cannot sit still and be”.
It was then that I began to unlearn the ways of doing taught in my family and begin my journey of learning just to BE.
Beautiful. Thanks.
This week our online study has confirmed once again why I like to have Henri Nouwen’s writings close by and available. When I read him, he has a way of clarifying my thoughts and thinking on certain things, and he has done it again with the notion of “Peace.” I read this chapter, and in all honesty, had to stop and really ponder what he was talking about. And then, at least for me, things began to come together. I have a tendency to read things, and then make connections to other concepts, ideas, people, etc. It helps me put things in perspective. So, here it goes.
We all probably know some people who we see weather just about every storm in a calm and serene manner, and have this calmness about them no matter what is happening in their lives. They have found peace. Henri Nouwen learned about this peace from Adam. He is now teaching us about this peace that he learned about from Adam. In our book, we learn about Adam who suffered from physical and intellectual disabilities. Often folks who suffer from some sort of disability can show us the way of peace. But there are folks out there in the regular work-a-day world who have found this peace as well, and who can teach us just as Adam taught Henri Nouwen.
I think the stumbling block, at least for me, has always been one of definition in how we define peace. In worldly terms, peace is too often associated with a negative. It is associated with war and conflict. Peace is viewed simply as the absence of conflict. The peace we speak of here, and that Henri Nouwen is trying to share with us, is not of this world. Interestingly, I think this definition of peace associated with the absence of conflict is related to our culture. Not all cultures define peace in this fashion. Many define peace more along the lines of what Henri Nouwen seeks to teach us.
For instance, I did a little research, and in Ecuador and Bolivia the Quechua Indians use a word for peace that means “to sit down in one’s heart.” The Chol Indians of Mexico define peace as “a quiet heart.” In Guatemala, the Kekchi Indians define peace as “quiet goodness.” Interesting that these native cultures somewhat mirror peace in the Biblical sense (as opposed to our definition of peace in Western Culture). The biblical concept of peace does not simply focus on the absence of conflict. It is, if you will, unrelated to circumstances. It focuses on what is happening on the inside as opposed to what is happening on the outside. You can have biblical peace while the entire world is crumbling or in turmoil around you.
This is the peace that Henri Nouwen teaches us about in this chapter, and the peace that we must all endeavor to seek and find within ourselves. In John 14:27 Jesus speaks of this peace that Henri Nouwen is speaking about to us. Jesus says “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.” Here, Jesus specifically says to us that the peace he gives to us is not of this world. We won’t find this peace in this worldly kingdom, but only in the Kingdom of God, that we can all tap into through our hearts.
Okay, I know the following is not from a Christian, but it goes to show that this concept of peace is not unique to Christianity. I found the following from Swami Bhaskarananda (1833-1899), a Hindu.
“The rulers think that punishing the peace-breakers will bring peace. The oppressed think that eliminating the oppressors will ensure peace. The nations think that destroying or subduing the enemy nations will create peace. But the wise say that ever-enduring peace can never be obtained through external means. One who has found inner peace has indeed found peace that abides forever. Through spiritual discipline alone this inner peace can be acquired. One who has found peace within transmits peace to others by one’s own life’s example, though one be not aware of it. Therefore, say the wise, may all try to create peace within, before trying to create any temporary or superficial peace in the world through external means.”
Thank you.
Charles
I really like the various descriptions of peace by the native peoples. Thanks for sharing!
The challenge in our lives of “being more than doing calls us to honor all people; as opposes to those similar to us.” Daily I try to commit to this truth; whether this calls me to support an ailing neighbor or listen to someone struggling with depression. This calls us to be selfless and genuinely open in a loving with all people.
Being newly retired pastor I am searching for community.( finding friendship in church and finding a church or just finding a new friend) Having been Rev. Dr. David I am now trying to find out what it is to just be David.(loss of power) I have several priest friends who are generous and dear to me but are often not available because of distance and schedule. Children live far away. I have often found friends in unexpected places and ones very different from me.(non professional religious)(sometimes at the pool where I exercise) I have always enjoyed these friendships tremendously. Nouwen talks about making room for the stranger in our communities. He found a heart friendship with Adam someone totally different from him. Yet we are all brothers and sisters together. Nouwen found this in his own vulnerability . that seems the right direction for us all