Feb 18th - 24th: Prodigal Son - Part 1: The Younger Son
Reading:
1. Rembrandt and the Younger Son
2. The Younger Son Leaves
This week we really dive into the text. We have the opportunity to specifically and fully explore what it means to "leave home." Journeying through this book may have powerful implications to the realm of your human relationships. Certainly gleam all you can in this regard, and feel free to share of your process. However, Henri invites every single one of us to consider that "the story deals not with the human love of an earthly father... what is meant and represented here is the divine love and mercy in its power to transform death into life" (p34-35).
1) In what ways, in your spiritual life, do you leave home? In what ways do you deny the spiritual reality that you belong to God with every part of your being? Henri realized that "I am the prodigal son every time I search for unconditional love where it cannot be found" (p39).
a) What voices tend to call you away, and dominate your life? Really think this through, as it may not be obvious at first. To the extent that you are comfortable, please provide examples from your own journey. These "voices" may say;
* "Prove you are worth something"
* "Show me you are good"
* "Make it on your own"
* "Gain social status"
* "Don't show weakness"
* "You are valuable when you are good-looking, intelligent and wealthy"
* "Lusts and lavish consumption will satisfy you"
b) What tends to come up in your emotional life to signal that you've "left home"? For example;
* anger, resentment
* lust and greed
* fear of being disliked or persecuted
* anxiety
* sadness or depression
What we are reflecting on this week is potentially very personal and very deep. Please be wise, and recognize what is healthy for you to share in the context of an online discussion. That being said, Henri often wrote that the most personal is the most universal, so if you are in a place in which you are able to share please do. Whether or not you share it here, it is important to take this week to ponder the specific ways in which we "leave home" or "search for unconditional love where it cannot be found."
Next week we will explore the "return," including what that looks like and how we can begin that journey. For now, let's focus this week on understanding the "leaving."
As is always the case, the questions I offer are meant to help get the discussion flowing - but we are not bound to them. Please feel free to share what came up for you as you pondered this week's reading.
Brynn
February 17th, 2013 at 8:44 pm
I Leave Home when I put more value on what others think about how I am living my life. Also when I expect praise from others instead of just being content in knowing that my choices are in alignment with God’s will for me by being my authentic self.
Keeping this concise as I heeded Brynn’s reminder that we are “on line”.
A Blessed and Peaceful Lent to all.
February 18th, 2013 at 4:31 am
My name is Caroline…I live in Yorkshire, England near the Dales
I have a family two children and two older step children… I work within mental health offender services in Yorkshire, resettling people who have experienced troubled lives and in many instances displaced their hurts onto others through acts of emotional and physical violence, not dissimilar to their own early childhood experiences
Nouwen…..I first came across a number of years ago. Since then through my own reflections, prayer and spiritual direction I have come to a place in my life where what he speaks brings so much sense and hope in a life where many maybe ‘cuffed’ by materialistic wants and desires. My heart is open and listening to his words and reflections…with a loving God at the heart of life
February 18th, 2013 at 10:15 am
Hello everyone,
I am a retired educator living in Vancouver Canada and happy to join this group a little late.
I once wrote a poem about this Rembrandt painting and read it to my poetry group. A few days later a member of the group found this Nouwen book in a bookstore and sent it to me. I am forever grateful to this friend because he is not the least bit inclined to Nouwen’s kind of writing but he knew that I would be. I was and read the book practically straight through.
I had already started blogging and I realized after reading Prodigal Son that I wanted my writing more to emulate Nouwen’s and come straight from the heart.
February 18th, 2013 at 12:41 pm
Maureen, I do not skip reading any introductions and I liked yours because it was so honest! Thanks for posting.
February 18th, 2013 at 12:55 pm
I live in Granbury, Texas, although originally born in Chicago, Illinois. Nouwen’s writings have long been a source of consolation and meditative growth in my personal spiritual journey, as well as in mentoring others through my practice as a spiritual director/retreat leader. Even though I read The Return of the Prodigal Son some time ago, it seems as though rereading it now with the eyes and ears of the heart, I am distilling new treasures and “aha” moments of grace. It seems as though I am always entering new portals into transformative living, so am looking forward to the homecoming to be encountered this Lenten season with Nouwen. Was touched by Nouwen’s examination that he was an observer, skilled at leading others to know of the love and forgiveness of God - and how difficult it was to turn loose of this role in order to surrender to the loving embrace of the Father. In reflecting, I am looking for examples of this in myself and in others with whom I am in contact.
February 19th, 2013 at 3:51 am
Hi All,My name is Rob I am from Australia,Some early childhood losses set my life on the road less travelled and after four decades as a prodigal I returned home to the Fathers loving arms.One day a copy of one of Henri’s Books I am the beloved appeared in my mail file this book greatly encouraged me on my current journey as a chaplain in a red light district.
February 19th, 2013 at 3:28 pm
Glad to join in. Just received the book. Love Fr. Henri. He has been a light in my life. I saw Rembrandt at the Rembrandt museum in Amsterdam. Huge, lush canvases are what I remember the most and the exquisite light and faces. I too feel like a prodigal and have all my life. So I trust I am in good company. Was raised Catholic, now Episcopalian. Currently divide time between southern and northern California. peace, stephanie
February 19th, 2013 at 3:37 pm
Hi, I am from Germany, but am living and working in Chad/Africa in a language development project (mother tongue literacy and Bible translation). I have only just come across this blog which is just as well since I arrived today in the place where my copy of the book is! - which I started reading in the past, but never finished.
In reading the prologue it speaks to me a lot when Henri talks about his attitude as an outsider. That’s exactly me. I long to not always observe myself in all I do, including when I pray. I long to love Jesus in a way that doesn’t leave room for that kind of detachment.
Hopefully, Henri’s journey will help me on my journey.
February 19th, 2013 at 4:55 pm
Henri’s description of father and son is incredible. I kept reading and looking at the book cover. I also was not aware of the historical context in the son leaving, history brings this passage to life. Today’s society encourages us to leave home, both physically and spiritually. We think we can make it on our own at a young age (runaways for example) and spiritually things are scientifically “explained”. It seems we do not wish to rely on God or physical family nor to we wish to have faith beyond ourselves.
I hadn’t envisioned being the younger son, until I read The Younger Son Leaves. At various times throughout my life I realize I was that younger son spiritually through anxiety, anger, the need to please others, needing to do it myself, etc. over time I realized these human behaviors and emotions were destructive but human. I will hold other comments until next week as I feel I am getting to the return prematurely.
February 19th, 2013 at 6:17 pm
Hello, I am just joining you due to computer problems. I am physically away form my home in Montana- presently in North Carolina until March. I spiritually left home after my divorce in the late 70’s. Gratefully I have experienced a renewal of my Catholic faith. The writings of Henri Nouwen have enriched my journey and supported me in my quest for a personal relationship with God. Over the past years I have felt marginalized in a parish lacking heart to heart sharing in community dialogues. I am so grateful to be among like minded seekers. My own copy of the the book is back in Montana –for now I will dwell all your comments..many thanks.
February 19th, 2013 at 8:42 pm
Rob, your comment touched me. So many of our childhood losses motivate us. And you are here to say that we can always return home.
When I look at the painting, I am moved by the way the son leans into his father, like an infant or child. Being that my current experience is that of a new mother, this resonates within my heart. There is nothing my son could do that would make me cease to love him. It is the most overwhelming feeling for me. And this is how God feels for us. I wish to remember this every moment.
February 19th, 2013 at 9:05 pm
Rose. Re:2/17 entry - “when I expect praise from others instead of just being content in knowing that my choices are in alignment with God’s will for me by being my authentic self.” Thank you for putting into words how I feel about too often searching for and expecting the praise of others.
February 19th, 2013 at 9:25 pm
i consistently look for affirmation, probably authority and self-worth in my vocation. I don’t think this is all bad, it’s fairly normal, but I know there is a point when I get over-invested in my job. This is not good for me or anyone around me. It gets harder to leave work on time, and I have all these good ideas to implement. I have a beautiful home, a good spouse and great kids, and i don’t get any of my great ideas which would strenghten our home life.
I usually notice I have been living in a distant country when I get very discouraged. I let what others say have a huge effect on me. I get quite tired and I ask myself, “When did I make the shift?” I notice that I stopped caring for myself properly and I don’t allow others to have an opinion separate from mine. I also notice that I somehow didn’t have time to spend reading God’s word and reflecting on it.
I’m a champion Prodigal in just about every sense of the word.
God still thinks I’m great.
February 19th, 2013 at 10:28 pm
The “leaving” that Henri describes in this chapter is true and relevant in my own life. I’ve had the opportunity to explore this over the last few years. Through some very helpful studies, people, and learning processes, I’ve uncovered some surprising lies that where deeply imbedded in my thought life. Henri refers to them as voices that call us away from living in God’s presence. For me it was things like “you must never make a mistake” “you are responsible for your own provisions, don’t rely on anyone else to provide for you - not even God” “you are responsible for the safety and happiness of everyone around you,” a multitude of “what if…” thoughts, and many others. As you can imagine, the result of this below the surface thought life was anxiety.
One clear example I can give came from the thought “you are responsible for the safety of everyone else around you.” I would develop anxiety whenever I was to spend significant time with babies, although I also love spending time with babies. I would worry I’d get sick before I saw them, or not know I was sick when I was with them (somehow), and thereby pass along to them some terribly harmful sickness. It went way beyond a normal concern for not passing germs along to babies. It was taking their very lives into my hands. It is an obvious example of the “leaving” Henri talks about. It was “leaving” a trust that God is in control of each life, and it robbed me of the joy of being with my loved ones.
I know I still live with many of these below the surface lies, and I’m looking forward to next week as we talk more about the “returning.”
Thank you to each of you who have shared so far this week - and I look forward to reading the comments that are forming in the hearts of many others.
February 20th, 2013 at 9:44 am
http://uploads6.wikipaintings.org/images/rembrandt/the-return-of-the-prodigal-son-1669.jpg
My thoughts will follow but if anyone wants to see a brighter photo of our painting it can be seen in this link.
February 20th, 2013 at 9:45 am
Well, I guess I should start off by saying that I consider myself the quintessential prodigal “daughter” and refer to myself in that way often. My leaving is mostly an internal event…but it manifests itself in a way that is evident to those who are close to me. Usually it starts with me having my feelings hurt in some way, or with an episode of overwhelming anxiety that I can’t shake, or with me working hard for the approval of others. And then comes the inevitable sadness and depression that convinces me that this time God is so done with me and my lack of faith. Recently I wrote in my journal that I don’t think it is meant to be for me to have a simple steadfast faith. I’m much too complicated a person emotionally.
I’m grateful for Brynn’s question about what is happening in our emotional lives that signals we have left home? And the replies were so affirming! As always, this forum reminds me that I am not alone with all of my emotional “baggage”. It is one of the things that has always attracted me to Henri’s writing…he often expresses exactly what I am thinking or feeling or have experienced. Since I have had a tendency my whole life to think of myself as different and “not belonging” Henri’s reflections have filled me with such relief that I am not alone…and this forum helps me to feel as if I do “belong” and am not so “different” spiritually.
February 20th, 2013 at 9:23 pm
I’m excited to be able, finally, to join this study. I’ve really enjoyed two Advent studies. I started the study last Lent but a major life upheaval kept me from participating. I’m hoping this time to participate throughout Lent. At least there’s no yard work taking all my time; for the first time in many years we’re having a normal Wyoming winter and have over a foot of snow on the ground. Hurrah! A great excuse to stay inside where it’s warm and I can savor Henri’s book and everyone’s reflections on it.
I’m Executive Director of an animal shelter in Wyoming and we just had a huge fundraiser Saturday. I did not have a chance to think of anything else until I got everything wrapped up Monday; and tonight am finally rested enough to read, think and contemplate. I have read a lot of Nouwen books but this one is new to me. I’m definitely going to look for a better reproduction of the painting because Henri’s comments about the four bystanders - while I can only see three in the book cover - are driving me crazy, so thanks to those of you who included links. I think it’s fascinating that this picture had such an impact on Fr. Nouwen. It didn’t grab me so I’m going to have to dig into it as he describes all he saw. But isn’t that the case - something will stop us in our tracks and change our lives, and others see nothing extraordinary.
I do think he’s right on in his comments about how it’s easier to be an observer than enter the center where God is present. And his descriptions of the ways we leave home are definitely words for serious reflection. Forty-five years ago, as soon as I got out of school, I physically left SE Texas where I was raised and headed to the mountains of Montana and Wyoming. My sisters have never forgiven me for my “disloyalty” and have not let me have much contact with my nieces and nephews, so I don’t have much contact with family other than my mother and it has been grieving me more as I get older. Perhaps this study will help me gain peace over the loss by concentrating more on my spiritual family, especially the Father.
February 21st, 2013 at 6:19 am
For the last three years I’ve been on a journey of recovery from addiction, and I’ve come to understand that I leave home every time I think I truly have control of my life and destiny. By this I mean that I now recognise that, since I don’t know what might happen in the next 5 minutes, let alone the next 20 years, the safest place for me to be is at home with the One in whose hands my entire future lies. Looking back over 40 years of compulsive behaviours, during most of which “I knew best,” makes me realise just how far from home I have travelled.
February 21st, 2013 at 7:20 am
Thanks, Sharolyn, for the painting - larger and a tad brighter. Linda
February 21st, 2013 at 12:16 pm
Diane C - I too would look for the approval of others and being paid attention to/supported by others. Without this a period of ‘poor pity me’ occured I’ve gotten much less focused on this after i learned that I only can receive this from God. What I do is for Gods approval not that of others
February 21st, 2013 at 1:47 pm
I neglected to mention in my first weeks retreat jottings that this is the first time I have participated in on line discussions. I will be briefer in my comments from this point forward, but be more detailed in my jottings, and disclosures with my Spiritual Director on the matters that unfold due to our various I - Spiritual Director, I- Holy Spirit and I -Thou explicit and tacit personal and transpersonal encounters.
Further, the pilgrimage now being embarked upon i will briefly revisit, compare and contrast the insights gained from the time when I was age 39 and had just completed the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius, until the present time in my life 32 years later. Brynn’s prayer for the Nouwen’s Prodigal Son discussions will be incorporated into this process to be embanked upon with my spiritual director.
February 21st, 2013 at 7:27 pm
Vin - Re: 2/19 @ 9:05pm - You are very welcome! I’ve spent my entire life doing this. It is only recently that God gave me the grace to realize you can’t please all of the people all of the time and if you try you go crazy and not true to one’s self. I’ve even said aloud, “sorry you have a problem with ____ but my decision wasn’t made lightly and I am fine before God” To some it sounds crazy but it is so very freeing to me as I am on the road of trying and it is TRYING — to practice living a peaceful life inwardly even when canons are going off in my environment. Peace to you Vin. As I was perusing the comments, it made my heart jump to see an actual response to my entry. Thank you and you have a beautiful journey with the Lord this Lent.
(ps) - I am the youngest but so very much resemble the oldest —wait until together we get further into the book…..
February 21st, 2013 at 8:18 pm
I am learning much about Rembrandt. I mentioned earlier that I’ve thought his paintings have an ethereal beauty, but hadn’t really thought much about Rembrandt’s spirituality, so this is interesting. I leave home when I feel like God is too busy to bother with me. I struggle with God’s plan not so much for me, but God’s plan for son who is chronically ill. I tell myself God is mad at me, which blinds my thoughts from the blessings God has provided. I can remember a time when I felt so aware of the smallest of blessings. The feelings that I experience are guilt, anger, jealousy and depression. This is incredibly raw for me openly saying this and at the same time sitting in a hospital room with son after having had another surgery this morning.
February 21st, 2013 at 8:36 pm
I am finding the information about Rembrandt’s spirituality over interesting. While I did mention that I find Rembrandt’s paintings to have an ethereal quality, I hadn’t really connected the two, if that makes any sense. I leave home, feel like I have been away for quite awhile actually, when I tell myself God is too busy for me. My thoughts take me to think God is angry at me and I loose sight of the blessings from God. I have a lot in my own life I am grateful for, however, son is chronically ill with an incurable disease. He has had three surgeries in the last five years. The most recent being this morning. I tell myself God has miracles for others, but not son. My feelings are guilt, anger, disappointment and depression.
February 21st, 2013 at 9:05 pm
I am so glad to be on this journey with Nouwen as the gentle guide. Let the journey begin!
February 21st, 2013 at 9:07 pm
Just want to thank everyone for your comments. I like to think about the things you share as I walk my daily walk.
February 21st, 2013 at 9:25 pm
I, like everyone else, have family issues. I think that I leave home when I feel the need to fix everything. A voice that calls me away says, “You must do everything right to be loved. You must know what to think and say, and you must always do the right thing and have the right answers for everyone’s problems”. A general state of anxiety blankets me emotionally when I leave home for this voice.
February 21st, 2013 at 10:48 pm
While I am reading about returning home, I can’t help but ask myself, how did I let myself get so far away. It seems that I wandered away without really meaning to. Something has happened to my relationship with the Father. When I kneel before Him, put my ear against His chest and listen for His words, I don’t hear that I am His beloved child, I hear “what are you doing here?”
There was a time that I did feel the unconditional love of the Father, so in my head I know those are not the words that He is saying to me, but in my heart that is what I feel.
February 21st, 2013 at 11:02 pm
In this week’s introduction I’m grateful that our moderator included this quote from the book: “I am the prodigal son everytime I search for unconditional love which can never be found.”
Whoa…. I read those words and felt as if I had been hit by a brick!
I have left people and groups “behind” in the past. I always have told myself that the reason I left was that I had “outgrown” certain people and situations. Now I am thinking that the real reason that I moved on is because I did not receive unconditional acceptance.
It is easy to be admired in new places where the people don’t know you so well!
February 21st, 2013 at 11:11 pm
Every time I act in a way contrary to what I know is God’s will for me, I leave home, and then when I sin thoughtlessly and recklessly I deny the reality of belonging to God in every aspect of my life. I treat our relationship with the same casualness that I often treat my human relationships; the major difference being that when I hurt my friends, sometimes forgiveness comes slowly, and sometimes it comes not at all. When I run from Abba exercising my free will it is because I think His will for me and my will are different. Yet His forgiveness is immediate and it is not granted with strings attached and promises to never let Him down again. That search for unconditional love will always lead back to God’s door. The things that lead me away are usually my attempts to show that I am strong, confident and can do it, on my own. Then pride of life and circumstances lead to dissonance when I can’t do everything. Failure tells me I must not be worthy. Then I become depressed and angry until I return home to Abba. This cycle repeats but I now realize that I am learning something each time about how God’s love manifests itself in each situation. On every return.
February 22nd, 2013 at 5:57 am
I have always enjoyed and been moved by Henri’s writing. Never entered a discussion group before so I am looking forward to this experience.
I am 74 years old and have been a Deacon for 26 years. Have discovered at times that because I am a deacon i use this ministry for self fulfillment. I also feel insecure because these younger Deacons are more educated, and that makes me less important. The Prodigal Son I am now reading for the second time and still being reminded how truly special to my heavenly father I am.
Looking forward to others comments.
February 23rd, 2013 at 7:23 am
Having left “home” after highschool I have never understood why I felt like an outsider with my birth family. They did not leave…stayed very close to home. And I have spent many days/months/years looking to be loved unconditionally or reallly to “be liked”. Wanting to be liked rules the day….The prodigal took his inheritance thinking that he would enjoy the best of both worlds……a life of ease and fun and family. Around him, much pain is felt….I wonder if he realized the pain of his brother, father , etc. Our actions always affect others….BEfore I can enjoy the fruits of acceptance/love, I have to accept the guilt of my actions and the sense of sorrow for the pain I have caused……..
February 23rd, 2013 at 8:51 am
As I continue on my journey this Lent, and seek to return home to my Father, I have taken a different road to a distant land and experienced bitterness, anger, and resentment. This is not what I had planned, but it is part of my evolving, and part of the journey.
I read this chapter and immediately identified with what I had done, and felt remorse for it, as I hurt others in my life, as well as realized what the fork in the road meant for me: the other road HOME. That is where Jesus is, and that is what I am walking towards this Lent, with every good intention. God, the Father has His arms waiting for me with HIS LOVE. He desires to call me His beloved.
So, inspired by Henri’s words, I am continuing on. I returned to the fork, and I am looking for Jesus…searching for him, and resting in the promise of God’s Love for me, so my intentions will be good and give God His glory.
February 23rd, 2013 at 9:01 am
Deacon Bob - Please never underestimate the “education of living”!!! No offense meant to the young and educated but SOMETIMES the knowledge is in the brain and has yet to reach the destination of the heart. It is my opinion that many without the higher education that are in their Golden Years are often far more helpful because they communicate heart to heart and can hear what is not said because of their years of experiencing life and seeing similar situations that repeat themselves. I think many middle age and over prefer the more seasoned. Thank you for your ministry and you may feel “less important” but to many you are probably “more important”. Again, we appreciate the vocations of the young and need to pray for them but they can learn from the old(ER) guys! God Bless You.
February 23rd, 2013 at 9:35 am
I woke up this morning to find that my husband hadn’t put his clothes in the laundry and the snow removal service hadn’t been, and I was immediately angry and resentful. Hubby is short on clothes and now they won’t be clean, and I’ll have to clear the front step with my aching, arthritic back. Just that fast and just that easily, I went from waking up grateful for the day to far away in my own “stuff”. “How could it be that quick and that easy?” I asked myself.
So I sat down to read everyone’s comments and to ponder the questions asked about how I get to this place of far away and how I know I’m there. I read Jody’s comment about the son in the painting leaning into the father, and I was angry. So angry that I stopped, completely astonished at myself. As I sat there, stunned, I felt revulsion for the whole scene in the painting. Then I got scared. “What is wrong with me?” I wondered. “What I’m feeling doesn’t make sense to me.” And then I cried.
I cried for all the times as a child I needed a hug but there were only beatings. I cried for all the times I did, did, did and worked, worked, worked, thinking that was how you loved someone, never realizing that that was how you kept people away. I cried for all the voices, from others and internal, that told me I was bad and not worth the next breath I was going to take away from the atmosphere. I cried for all the times I allowed others to walk all over me, doing for them until I was exhausted and empty. I just cried and cried and cried and am still crying. But, in the wings of those tears, I think I sense God there, and that I’m beginning to cry my way home.
I’m at the end of my post, and, guess what? I can hear our snow removal service taking away our snow. And I rather think God IS in the wings of my tears and He’s just shown me He’s still caring for me. I cry again. But not for loss and emptiness this time. They’re tears out of a full heart, a heart that’s touched in a warm, welcoming way.
February 23rd, 2013 at 11:49 am
Leaving home –leaving the place where I have been declared Enough, Adequate and Beloved, happens when I invite fear, doubt, and worry into my heart and these guests plants seeds of inadequacy, scarcity and failure in my life. When I nurture the plants of fear, doubt, and scarcity an undesired crop grows. A destructive harvest of bad thought take up residency in my soul.
• I must look better than I really am to be loved and accepted.
• I must maintain my mountain top experiences at all times.
• I must live a professionally successful life.
• I must not ever give up.
• I must not rest before I have performed marvelously.
• I must look profoundly good, responsible, talented, smart, worthy of admiration.
There is no rest in my life when I feel like “I must look good, responsible, talented, smart, and worthy of admiration.” It robs me of the ability to rest in grace. It creates an exhaustion that causes me to long for the end of the struggles in life. Depressed, I wish my life away. I do not desire the gift of that exhausting life. In the last 4 years a new way of living as started to grow in me. As I accept God’s grace gracefully for myself, I am more and more comfortable with my imperfections. When I accept these truths: “God is good and I am loved” my own success or failure are immaterial. When I succeed it is due to God’s goodness and gifts and when I fail it is due to my humanity and my humanity is lovingly covered by God’s grace. I can rest in God love and this creates in me the desire to reflect God’s goodness into the darkness of the world.
February 23rd, 2013 at 2:02 pm
Truly “the most personal is the most universal.” That happens to be today’s meditation from Henri and I can see it in everyone’s posts. So many of the comments I can relate to and sound so familiar. Like Marianne’s seeking affirmation & self-worth, Brynn’s being responsible for EVERYTHING, and Denise’s approval from others. As I reflected on the prodigal son, I realized I am the son trying to find his way home and sometimes feel so lost I don’t know which way to go. There are no familiar landmarks (affirmations and acceptance) no one to direct me in the right direction (no one to listen to me and actually hear what I’m saying) no well worn paths to follow (what used to work doesn’t anymore), just feeling left all alone turning around trying to figure out what to do. A common theme in dreams I remember have to do with finding home, or a new house. I know the Father loves me and accepts me, though I struggle with the journey of this knowledge in my head to knowing this in my heart and acting upon it. Thanks for everyone’s sharing, it is truly appreciated.
February 23rd, 2013 at 2:05 pm
What distances me from God is my fear of failure. I’m not doing it right, I don’t look right, I’m not right. I know I’m in this place when I feel angry and want to blame others for whatever. I’ve held back from sharing my comments as I fear I will not express myself well, what I share will have no depth and I won’t impress you. So there it is! I’ve taken a few steps closer to home. Sharon and Sharolyn, your recent comments have helped me jump in. Thank you.
February 23rd, 2013 at 4:45 pm
As I mentioned in my post last week, I first found Nouwen’s Return of the Prodigal Son when I was far from my Maryland home–in 2004 outside the Cathedral of the Good Shepherd in Singapore after Sunday Mass.
More important, however, is the fact that at time I was also living very far from my spiritual home, so rereading this chapter after having returned “home” is challenging for me. The choices I had made included “A Radical Rejection” of the fundamental values that had guided my life. At the same time I was “Deaf to the Voice of Love” of those closest to me that were being deeply hurt by my choices, as I was although I denied it at the time. I craved acceptance and I spent a long and unhealthy time “Searching Where It Cannot Be Found.” Finding this book at that time, along with the help of those the Lord brought into my life, were the critical factors in my return “home” about 11 months later. I can honestly say that Henri Nouwen is an important companion on my life journey and for that I am forever grateful.
So now it is nearly a decade later and I know that I am l living much closer to “home” than I was then. So how does the younger son’s leaving speak to me today? What Nouwen writes about himself applies directly to me–”It takes very little to raise me up or thrust me down… my life is mostly a struggle… resulting from the idea that it is the world that defines me…” As Henri teaches so beautifully throughout his writings, I truly know that I am “beloved” and, if I make the effort to do so, I am often able to quiet my heart and to feel the presence and the love of the Lord. But in this imperfect world, this is fleeting. My need for acceptance and affirmation by “the world” remains a stumbling block to receiving the unconditional acceptance, affirmation, and love offered only by God.
So each day I struggle with the temptation to “leave home” and seek affirmation where it cannot truly be found rather than accepting that I am the beloved. It is a struggle I expect to continue for the rest of my life, and I am glad that I have the wisdom of Henri Nouwen, my wife and family, and others like each of you that are on a similar journey to accompany me.
Peace and all good.
Ray
February 23rd, 2013 at 4:46 pm
I have been reading Nouwen since discovering him at a women’s retreat last spring and while reading my first book I longed for someone to talk with about it. And now, just look what he has provided! Thank you all for sharing.
February 23rd, 2013 at 4:55 pm
Jody 19/2,Thanks it’s good to be home, Congratulations on your new motherhood embrace every moment of this gift of God’s infinite grace,what a beautiful image of parenthood you have shared with us.
February 23rd, 2013 at 9:17 pm
I leave home when I tell myself and believe that God doesn’t have any time or interest in me. Even as I read these first few chapters, I feel like the words are intended for someone else. The voices that carry me away from God are that others are more important and that I must not show weakness or sadness. The feelings that indicate to me that I have left home are sadness, anger, jealously and depression.
This really is very deep.
My mother divorced before I was born and I don’t know who my biological father is. I have two other siblings, we grew up separate. I lived with my grandmother who really did the best she could until I was 15; at that time I was placed in foster care and have been on my own since then. I feel like I’ve spent a lifetime running and keeping people at a distance. Unlike the Prodigal Son, I don’t have a “home” to return to.
February 23rd, 2013 at 10:17 pm
Sharon, when you needed a hug, and there were beatings; that was wrong. You are a precious treasure, worth everything. We hear your story, thank you for sharing it.
February 24th, 2013 at 11:42 am
I found the picture this morning lost among some hidden things. I was struck by the light on the fore figures. I was also struck by Henri’s commentary and others on the fruitless search in many places for unconditional love. Yes I understand that path.
I have used running away as a metaphorical and literal defense mechanism all of my life. I still am learning to accept that this is part of everyone’s life no one ever finds unconditional love in this world.
Currently I am on another journey. It ’s hard for this cradle RC to once again feel the strong urge and need to walk into different waters. Hard to feel loved by God in this.
Rose thank you for the metaphor of firing cannons in chaos! Yes, I understand so well. This experience has started me on this journey for silent meditation. Hard to be straddling between two lands but somehow I want to make it work. We will see. This story is very patriarchal in its loveliness. I appreciate the commentary. I am learning that my thoughts are not mine alone and that there is value though painful for me at times in the image of Father, Son, and brother.
February 24th, 2013 at 1:09 pm
Hi Everyone:
Elisa, I felt very sad to hear your confusion at hearing the Father’s voice, but I can tell you what worked for me. When I felt so spiritually weak, I took a few verses of Psalm 139 and would write them out on a little paper and keep it nearby. The verse I would think about is that God “knit me together in my Mother’s womb.” Not sure if you knit or have tried knitting - so God did a really conscious act when he created you. Think about what kind of a God would create each human no matter how they were conceived.
Maureen - Feb 23, you did great. I loved reading your post. What you wrote was honest and that impressed me. I’ve participated in quite a few blogs and many times toward the end of the blog, someone will say, “I’ve been reading these posts and getting so much from them but I just couldn’t post until now!”
For the group - here is the url to a wonderful description by Charles Price which explains if you’re feeling judged, that’s from the devil, not from Jesus Christ. All Jesus offers us is love and forgiveness. I’m praying for the right time to share this with my daghter. She is one that feels judged by other Christians and I have no idea where that came from.
http://www.livingtruth.ca/devotional.asp?date=12/23/2012
Looking forward to the next chapter. It’s going to be good!!!! M
February 24th, 2013 at 5:40 pm
I am going to try again to submit my thoughts since I lost what I thought I had saved from earlier this morning!
I woke up feeling sad that my relationship with God has been a mirror of my parents’. I always knew they loved me and were there for me yet never experienced the intimacy and unconditional acceptance I yearned for. I tried to fill this deep void with praise and outward successes. After achieving those,I would say,”Is that all there is?” When my marriage failed and my sons made choices that caused tremendous anxiety, I felt stripped and vulnerable. It was then that I turned at the fork in the road and began my journey back home. I want God to blanket the path with a bright search light yet trust that I will be given enough light to take the next step. It is hard for me to feel that I am a cherished child of God even though I know it in my head. It is the uncertainty of not knowing what is God’s will for me that is my biggest challenge. I can get caught up in the anxiety of needing clarity about the what, when, where, how or who. There are many voices like sirens calling me away especially when I feel marginalized on this journey. I am so grateful for Henri’s writings and your sharings that are a great help to realize that I am not alone.
February 24th, 2013 at 5:41 pm
Many sincere thanks to each of you, for having the courage and generosity to share these very deep and personal thoughts. I also want to say how much I appreciate it when folks respond to each other - it is surely very encouraging to the person to offered so much. However, whether or not someone responds to your personal comment, please know how much it is appreciated. I read and appreciate every single comment posted, and the richness of this discussion flows from each of you.
Looking forward to starting a new week tomorrow, but more comments are certainly still welcome for this week.
Sincerely,
Brynn
February 24th, 2013 at 6:40 pm
My name is Ann. I thank everyone for your posts. I have read them all, and have been grateful for this online opportunity to share and receive. I leave “home” when I withhold forgiveness towards others. This leads me down a lonely path. I can’t hold resentment and unforgiveness for another, and journey home to the heart of God at the the same time. I choose the journey “home”, but I am not strong. I need to make this choice, over and over again each and every day.
February 24th, 2013 at 9:34 pm
Nancy T (2/24 at 5:40 pm),
You mentioned the need for clarity on what, when, etc. Here is a simple set of FAQs addressing the questions you raised that my wife and I developed to share with the teenage Confirmation candidates we work with. Perhaps they will be meaningful to you.
Q. Why do we exist?
A. God’s love.
Q. What is our destiny?
A. God. Love and eternal life in heaven
Q. Who is our guide?
A. Jesus. Jesus is God. God is Love.
Q. How should we live?
A. Love. Love God and Love Neighbor.
Q. When and Where do we choose to start?
A. The “Present” - Here and Now.
I recognize that these FAQS are very simple, perhaps even simplistic. But they are based on the truth that, “God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him.” (1 John 4:16)
God intends our life story to be a love story. God is calling us to himself. And he sent Jesus to show us the way.
Peace and all good.
Ray
February 25th, 2013 at 1:47 pm
Many thanks all!
I’ve closed this post - please come on over to the newest post, “Feb 25th - March 3rd: Prodigal Son - Part 1: The Younger Son’s Return.” You will find a link to this post (in blue) at the top of this page, or just return to the home page:
http://wp.henrinouwen.org/rgroup_blog/
Please post any new comments in the newest post - even if they relate to this week’s discussion.
Brynn