March 4th - 10th: Prodigal Son - Part 2: The Elder Son Leaves
Reading:
4. Rembrandt and the Elder Son
5. The Elder Son Leaves
This week Henri takes us to a whole new understanding of this Parable. From the readings we realize that it is possible to stay home, yet become lost there. We may live as the elder son, for whom obedience and faithfulness become contaminated by resentment, anger and envy. Externally we appear to be living with the Father, but we are not living the free life offered to those in the Father's household. Once again, this week we will focus on exploring the ways in which we are lost, and next week we will explore the return.
1) How do you identify with the older son?
a) Do you find yourself, after doing all the things a good son/daughter should so, after having faithfully and obediently served the Father, that you are left feeling resentful of others or unrecognized?
2) Henri articulates that the "lostness of the resentful saint is so closely wedded to the desire to be good and virtuous" that it is often very hard to recognize or get a hold of in our own hearts. Take some time to explore the things that come up in your emotional/thought life to signal that you've wandered away from the Father, although in many ways still in His house.
a) Henri suggests that lostness while at home is often characterized by:
* judgement and condemnation
* anger and resentment
* bitterness and jealousy
* pride and unkindness
* selfishness
* prejudice
* frozen anger
3) Once you've explored when and where these emotions/thoughts surface in your life, you'll likely have a story to give as an example. Try to articulate that real life story here, as a form of bringing to light what was going on in your own heart.
As Henri explains, it is far more difficult to openly identify ourselves with the elder son. When the younger son leaves it seems more acceptable - a moment of weakness, something he regrets and repents of. It is far more embarrassing to admit that all the while that we've supposedly been doing good and self-sacrificing things, we've in fact been feeding some very dark emotions - perhaps for many years! But instead of holding on to that darkness, let's bring it to light.
This is sure to be a very insightful week!
Brynn
March 4th, 2013 at 8:10 am
This section is very pertinent to my life now. We had a pastor with us for 5 years. He made relations with pastor colleagues in two clusters and also with the synod. When there were opportunities for lay people to be involved–for example retreats, workshops, etc., I would volunteer to go. At the time, I enjoyed participating, benefitted and learned from these opportunities and also the feeling that I was supporting our pastor. Now we have another pastor and I need to discern whether I will be so active again. Already went to one of the events. Other people in our congregation choose not to give their time and energy like this–though they do contribute much time and energy to the things going on “within the congregation”. It’s interesting when you can be very fulfilled with a previous time and then, at this time, I am finding out that the other people in the congregation really just believe I do these things for myself or something–not because I want to support the pastor in their work in the larger community. There seems to be a disconnect in the way we view motivation. I’m not getting any thanks or appreciation. The thing seems to me to be to “rethink” why I’m doing these things–is it because God gives me the time and resources to serve Him in this way, is it because I see no one else is taking time and energy to do them, is the problem there is not a common take on the importance of these events with others in the congregation so that others really think of these events as basically without much merit leaving me isolated and confused, anyway resentment and angry feelings are not really an option if I want to feel like I’m in relationship to God and others in a healthy way. What I’m learning now is that I have to work not to revise “our congregational history” or something and keep the truth, letting go of falsehood and faulty analysis. Read the Return of the Prodigal Son before in a previous bookreading but now find it particularly appropriate and look forward to reading the next section as I work my way back into relationships here and particularly aim for a grounded relationship to our current pastor. This blog is important.
March 5th, 2013 at 9:56 am
Thanks Sharon. God is with you through this. Blessed discernment.
March 5th, 2013 at 3:14 pm
As a woman in the Catholic Church I feel resentment toward hierarchical decisions regarding women’s involvement, the rights of over half the Catholic population, and a lack of appreciation of women’s gifts. The fact that I have these feelings and still remain in the Church are a paradox. I love Jesus and I love my faith, but still feel the resentment. Perhaps it is so frustrating because there is no where to go with it? I see similarities with the elder son, but he had his father to go to for change.
As far as a real life story… Three weeks ago a young priest commented during his homily that “we all could be Pope”. I looked around the congregation at a church filled half with women. I thought this was an insensitive comment on the part of the priest. BUT as an elder son, I only complained to my husband. I could have gone directly to the priest with my
dissatisfaction - but didn’t. My quandary is how or to whom do I bring this into the light? It’s easier to hold on to that darkness
March 5th, 2013 at 9:28 pm
I seldom do things out of a sense of duty, but I lack the discipline that might constitute a more full spiritual life. I identify almost completely with the Younger brother and that has challenges of its own. My husband identifies almost completely with the Older Brother and the challenges of comparing, judging and feeling incensed by the action of others. p. 71 “I wonder which does more damage, lust or resentment?” To me there are 2 different kinds of people - the kind who are tempted more by lust and those who are tempted to feel more resentment. Obviously, there are people who struggle with “a bit of both.” The church needs both of us - the former to challenge the church and ‘the way we always do things,” and the latter to make sure there is some semblance of normalcy and discipline in the church. This might be a pretty simplistic view, but it works for me. Identifying with the “younger son” sometimes I hope people don’t remember too much of my past sins and hold them against me. It’s quite embarrassing to come back to church after committing visible sin. The younger son committed sins which really hurt himself. In addition, he made decisions that hurt those around him. The Older son saved himself a lot of heartache by staying home and not getting into trouble. Sooner or later there’s going to be an incident, a song, a scripture or a health crisis that is going to break through the Older son’s heart of stone. In the end, all I can say is, “Lord, have mercy on both of us.” Thanks be to God He has wiped clean the slate but Lord knows, there’s quite a jury that lines most churches. “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
There were still some things that I underlined in this chapter - p. 70 “This inner resentment reveals to me my own ‘lostness.’ I had stayed home and didn’t wander off, but I had not yet lived a free life in my father’s house.” Really important stuff to realize that we are already free in our Father’s house and we don’t have to earn anything.
This just reminds me not to over-commit myself with things I feel I “should” be doing, but, rather, just do things in the church that I really feel called to do. I play the piano and I remember one time feeling very spiritually exhausted to the point where I had to say I couldn’t play the piano/organ at church services because I just had nothing left to give. Eventually, after a long rest, I felt refreshed once again and filled to the point of being able to minister to others again with my music.
I really appreciate the sharing other people are doing. I hope you all have a good week.
March 6th, 2013 at 2:37 pm
Hi Toni - I so related to what you wrote but thankfully I’ve gotten past resentment in that area for survival if nothing else, as I’ve learned to accept what is and there is much that I have to look past and just keep my eye on Jesus. Actually, I’ve given up “commenting” about homilies with insensitive comments as there are many and my experience is that it only ends up in my feeling uncomfortable worshiping with the same clergy again or in - “My Parent’s House” so I just keep (s)(pr)-aying, “accept the things I can not change, change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”. It is my opinion that Jesus isn’t thrilled with a lot of this either. Also, do I dare say here that “this is my very favorite time in the RC Church?” I say this now because we are “Popeless” — unlike being hopeless although I believe our Rome politics is “hopeless” ….. Every other time I could not speak or write those words because one would interrpret that I was glad the Pope died — now I can speak more freely. (Oh I see those excommunication papers being filled out now
BE AT PEACE TONI — Jesus isn’t insensitive and we keep our eyes on Jesus!
Toni - I think if we had women “in power”, our country and church wouldn’t be in the mess we are in…….(oh those papers are on their way for sure now!!)
March 7th, 2013 at 7:03 am
I was brought up by my grandmother since I was about 3 months old; mother divorced before I was born and don’t know who biological father is. Mother had two other children who were raised by various family members. After grandmother passed over 10 years ago, I feel no connection to birth family or place I grew up at. The family has made it abundantly clear that I am a bastard daughter and don’t belong. I returned once after a failed marriage, but have not again. Anyway, I stay away for my own sanity.
Yet, I relate closely to the Elder son. I am one who fits everything Nouwen says about frozen anger. I have been diligent in my faith. I have gone to church, been charitable, prayed, etc. I have remained “home” in God’s house.
Ouch.
Only son has a chronic illness that has gotten increasingly worse. This last surgery has created all sorts of complications. I listen to the cheer of others who are healed as they praise God for finding favor with them, yet, where is the healing for son. I feel like God is mad at me and taking it out on son. I look for the “fattened calf” in the form of a healing, and there is none. I feel everything on the list about the Elder son.
I wonder how much more son’s body can endure. I listen to son express rock bottom emotions, yet, I can do nothing to fix or make things better for him physically.
God can fix all of this, but doesn’t. Even as I write this I am afraid of God and wonder what bringing this to light will cause.
These are truly “very dark emotions”!!
Carol
March 7th, 2013 at 11:50 am
Belated thoughts on the Younger Son from last week…..
It was so eye-opening to think of Jesus as the Prodigal ….and to think of me moving toward being the Father. (I can see myself as the 2 sons - no problem - but the Father?? Amazing…)
Totally new thoughts for me! The thoughts are “cooking!”
Thanks!
March 7th, 2013 at 12:58 pm
Carol, I don’t know why your mother and her husband divorced, why your biological father never parented you, why your son has a difficult chronic illness. I am thankful for the parenting you had in your grandmother’s home and that, in spite of all these adversities, you have stayed in church. Feeling such honest grappling with life in your entry here and just want to tell you I feel God is filling me with love and empathy for you. Just want to write you that. Please keep steady, for yourself and your son, you are surrounded by God’s love.
March 7th, 2013 at 9:11 pm
Such a tough week. Thank you, each of you, for your honesty, and also for reaching out to each other. I hope each person feels heard and understood.
This chapter on the older son reminded me a lot of The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard (Matthew 20). Basically the owner of the vineyard goes out in the morning and hires some folks to work for him. The wage is set at 1 denarius for the day. However, the owner continues to look for people to work for him, right up until the last hour of the day.
“The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius. 10 So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11 When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12 ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’
13 “But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? 14 Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15 Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’
16 “So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”
I can’t say I comprehend it, as I can rather understand the frustration of those who were hired first. I think further insight will come next week.
March 7th, 2013 at 9:16 pm
As I was reading the chapter on the older son, and Henri’s exploration of being lost at home, an example came into my head. I think it is important to realize that any time these negative emotions have a foothold in our life, we aren’t living the freedom the Father intends for us. Some have shared some really big and deep examples of this. Here I’ll share a pretty small example, but it is important to look at all areas our lives. So, for me the emotion is pride and the real life story goes something like this….
My husband is Mexican, so we spend a great deal of time in Mexico (and I truly love the culture and the people). There is a general assumption here that money is easy to come by in the U.S. or Canada. I’ve overheard a few comments dismissing certain accomplishments in my life, with the sentiment “its because they have money.” Each time this happens pride rises up in me. I want to tell the person that my family never had money, my mother was a single Mom, I’ve always worked hard to find my way in life etc etc. I don’t actually offer this rant, but I often stew about it a little bit after.
Just putting it in words makes it seem extremely petty. But (although a little embarrassed) I chose to share it to help us remember to look at the overlooked areas of our hearts. Even if it seems small, if we allow these emotions to fester we are sacrificing the freedom the Father intends for us.
I can hardly wait to explore next week, because Henri offers such a stunning way to “return” to the Father. But, first I look forward to hearing more reflections from each of your hearts.
March 7th, 2013 at 9:36 pm
I am the sister of rebellious siblings…I always identified with the elder son. It just…would never occur to me to be reckless and irresponsible. I remember having feelings of jealousy sometimes, but to be completely honest, by God ’s grace, I was always glad when they came home. I wish even today that they would come home.
I learned by watching my siblings that forgiveness doesn’t negate morals. The elder son felt like he was being ignored for his good works. Maybe what the Elder son didn’t see was that “loose” living has its own set of consequences. When the Father embraced the prodigal, he didn’t mean “Everything you did was good “. It meant “I love you”. Perhaps in a modernized story the prodigal returns ravished by AIDS. Foolish living has a set of consequences, but the withholding of love does not need to be one of them.
The Elder son missed the point. And his heart was hard. I miss the point sometimes, although I do try to have an open heart. Sometimes I get angry inside at my husband’s flaws. He ’s not the most organized fellow, for instance. When I carry that anger, I’m missing the point, which is to create a loving family.
Sometimes I am anxious or angry at work as a teacher. I’m missing the point: to love the children.
Sometimes I am bitter toward the church. Bitter toward the many “ism’s ” man has created for the past 2013 years. While giving voice to our feelings in a constructive way is healthy, harboring bitterness is not. What is the point of church? To be around other believers.
I don’t feel this way now, but I remember wanting to stay at home with my baby, looking at the numbers, and realizing that’s not my path this year. I was hurt…after years of being good, after doing it all right, I deserve this. Why didn’t God listen? Other people I knew were much less responsible and got to stay at home. The truth is : God loves me. I accepted it and accepted that I didn’t know why he said “no”. My son is beautiful and we enjoy each other …he loves his babysitter and my mood lifted after returning to work.
March 7th, 2013 at 9:42 pm
Carol: prayed for your precious son.
March 7th, 2013 at 11:42 pm
I am the eldest son (of five brothers) in what was a dysfunctional family. As I read Henri’s words below about the Eldest son, I see myself as I was for much of my adult life. For nearly 30 years, I strove to make sure that “my family” was different than my family of origin. And, as a result…
(Henri writes) “…the one who stayed home also became a lost man… He did his duty, worked hard every day, and fulfilled all his obligations, but became increasingly unhappy and unfree… a resentful, proud, unkind, selfish person, one that had remained deeply hidden even though it had been growing stronger and more powerful over the years… (I hear the) complaint that comes from a heart that feels it never received what it was due… ”
And, in my case, after those many years of being the dutiful Eldest son I chose to act as the Youngest son and to run away to a distant land. And it caused a great deal of pain to myself and to those I love. It was in the process of returning to the Father as the Youngest son that I was also able to identify and confront the issues associated with being the Eldest son too.
Although I have grown and matured (I’m 62
), the greater challenge or concern for me today is my continued tendency to act as the Eldest son. At times, I still stand aside as the distant, judging “observer” of life (as portrayed by Rembrant), rather than accepting God’s embrace and sharing it with others. I can be quick to judge or disagree with other people and to advocate my own views without listening to them or thoughtfully considering their ideas. And like Henri Nouwen, I know “how diligently I have tried to be good, acceptable, likable, and a worthy example to others.” I also know that I complain, to myself and to others, if I do not feel appreciated for what I “do”–since I still have difficulty accepting that, like Jesus, I am God’s “beloved” son too.
Thanks to each of you for your sharing this week. Carol, you are in my prayers.
Peace and all good.
Ray
March 8th, 2013 at 8:09 am
We all have a part of the elder son in our souls….we strive to be what is expected of us and we see people going thru life oblivious to rules, etc., and reaping all good things. On a basic level however, if there is resentment in our hearts how are we really the “good son”? Every life has its own hardships. Some of us shuck it all to chase after something better, but we leave with a hole in our hearts……….some of us stay because we think that is the “right thing”….and there is a hole in our hearts. Whether we go or stay, we have to deal with the hurt and resentment in our hearts and we have to forgive others who cope with life in a different way. Back to the basic….we are loved abundantly…God goes with us no matter where we go or come back…He is there! This insight will help us recognize other’s pain and we will be better able to show compassion.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:20 pm
Thank you for the shared thoughts; it is a joy to journey with you all.
From last week Thanks Sharon –yes, I have also sought confirmation or judgment from others instead of having the courage to trust and listen to the God-indwelling me and leading me on my own journey. I have looked at the wrong set of eyes often. Susan, I can so identify with your I-am-not-feeling-it struggles. And Annie, the loneliness of missing thriving adult daughters and the dark emotions that can attach themselves to me when feeling like my love is rejected are intense. I know the darkness is a lie but the missing is so very real. My 23 year old daughter is immigrating to another country. God, how do we stay close when so far apart?
The self-righteousness of thinking I should be above brokenness is what causes me to stand stiff, and erect outside the embracing arms of God right next to the older brother.
I always was accepting of other people’s mishaps, wrongs, sins, and harsh towards my own short failings. I wanted all of God’s grace to be available to people who did not have my blessings, (kind, supportive and believing parents and siblings, a good church, good camp experiences, good home, good husband, good kids etc.) But in doing that, I was setting myself apart from others. It was as if I viewed myself co-saving people with God. I did not need to be saved myself for I was working really hard to earn my way to God. I was not rebellious; no, I was “wedded to the desire to be good and virtuous.” I can see myself as the older brother standing right outside God’s loving embrace longing to be right there in the embrace but not knowing how to humble myself and kneel into the love. Pride is a very nasty bedfellow. And it takes real courage to kick pride out and humbly crawl into God’s welcoming grace. And the choice of kicking self-reliance out has to be done over and over.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:57 pm
Dear Carol,
Your painful words are so touching. And the question “Why God, such deep suffering in your child’s life?” comes to my mind readily; but also a deep amazement comes to my heart that one who has suffered so much is still clinging to God. The fact that you have not thrown in the towel speaks volumes to the mystery of faith. I am praying for you and for the promise of God’s Peace Beyond Human Understanding to flood your life. I do not know how God does bring peace, joy, and love into the midst of real human pain but only God can. I am praying for blessing of God’s grace to be sprinkled over your and your son’s days so consistently and in such a personal manner that you cannot miss the source of these blessings. Thank you for the courage of sharing.
March 8th, 2013 at 1:58 pm
Everyone has been so honest. This is extremely helpful to me. Often I think that I am the only one who forgives and even a few decades later as anything triggers the negative memory, I get angry all over again as if it just happened yesterday! I’ve been struggling and working very hard on accepting the negative memory and letting it float away rather than feed it. It is a work in progress and I wonder if I will be on my death bed and all this history will again repeat itself. I guess only with grace can we deal with these events and memories without brooding. I so await that day!
Brynn, not just in Mexico but my ancestors tell stories about when they came to the USA and after flying back “home” in the seventies became possible, everyone “back home” literally had their hand out because those who immigrated to the USA are “millionaires”. Often I find some missionaries from certain parts of Asia and Africa think the same about us and even a gift from SACRIFICE looks like it was taken off the money tree in the backyard. Often I have to realize that God knows, God sees, God loves and to do what I can (in all areas) and not worry about the rest….if only that was a reality. God Bless you all.
March 8th, 2013 at 11:45 pm
Thank you for kind words and prayers. I feel peace and an ability to do what I need to which I can only attribute to Father God. I remember years ago, I asked a friend how to know when we are being prayed for and he described the peace I feel now. Son’s emotional state has improved. A church nearby has been sending an Eucharistic minister and the hospital chaplain has been visiting frequently. I am planning to attend Mass tomorrow at the church who has been sending the Eucharistic ministers. The doctors are moving towards releasing son, but no definite word yet. His coming home will be good and it looks like there will be a home health nurse assigned to assist us.
I am looking towards continuing this book study; has been a nurturing journey.
Next weekend I will attend a silent retreat.
Kindly,
Carol
March 9th, 2013 at 8:56 am
Reading everyone’s entries has been really inspiring so thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts. They have really been very helpful to me in my own journey.
Carol: I have prayed for you and your son, may you always feel God’s Blessing and Peace in you heart as you go through your own journey. Thanks for sharing, it took courage.
March 9th, 2013 at 10:42 am
I have studied this parable many times. Often with our prayer group using Henri Nowen’s book and I often relate to the Elder Son. This time it became clearer to me that letting resentment fester is as sinful as the lust the Younger Son practiced. My father became sick and as a large family we gathered around to take care of him. He had been widowed for many years and I was the one to take him to the doctor or shopping. I was the only one who visited in the evenings. When he was discharged from the hopsital in hospice care, he came home to my home for his last days. Again everyone rallied around to be part of his care and this is the way I hoped it would be. But at night, when he was confused about where he was or needed something, he called out my brother’s name. Why after all these years of my being there for him did he call to someone who was not there for him before. Do I resent my brother? Do I resent my father? It led me to begin to analyse why I did attend to my father over the years. Was I just looking for recognition or did I do it out of pure love for him? I am not sure I will ever know. But, I do know that I have to accept the situation and not allow it to damage my relationship with my brother.
March 9th, 2013 at 12:00 pm
A beautiful Saturday morning to you all.
I just came across these verses, and I sense they speak to some of the heart felt expressions here. The author of the letter is Paul, someone who experienced physical beating in every way, as well as rejection and abandonment on many accounts. Here he writes in 2 Corinthians 4
“6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you…
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Out of Paul’s difficult and painful journey God has ministered to so many around the world for almost two thousand years.
March 9th, 2013 at 4:30 pm
Dear Carol:
Don’t think for a minute that God likes someone else better because they received physical healing - or the treatments that the medical community offered worked as planned. Sometimes people whose lives are a little easier think the reason their lives are easier is because they are more righteous or more blessed by God. This simply isn’t true. Jesus knows what terrible suffering is and he modeled turning towards father God in his suffering. God was faithful to Jesus, He raised him from the dead, just like He said He would.
Lamentations 3:33 says “For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone.” 55 I called on your name, Lord, from the depths of the pit. 56 You heard my plea: “Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.” You came near when I called you and you said, “Do not fear.”
God does not always offer physical healing but when we turn to him, he is always there. God sees your faithfulness and you will be rewarded for it spiritually.
As for the family that you don’t have - it’s their loss. Too bad they have not recognized in you the person with a beautiful spirit who turns toward her God even in suffering. There are LOTS OF PEOPLE who want to be your friend and they will be your family. It’s OK to shake the dust off your feet from your partially biological family and seek out the people who want to be family to you.
I’m so glad to hear you are treating yourself to a silent retreat. Be good to yourself. I’m glad you found our group because it is a safe place to share doubts, concerns and beefs. We are ALL praying for you and that prayer will continue on after this group is over. I’m going to pray for God to show himself to you in very specific ways this week so you know He cares for you even though physical healing isn’t what He has offered your son yet.
March 9th, 2013 at 11:55 pm
I am the oldest of three and my first recollection of this parable is one of identifying with the older son-being righteous for doing what I was expected to do without creating a problem and disapproving of anyone who would not follow “the rules.” I also felt hurt, because what I had done did not seem to be recognized but expected with no obvious reward . . . so what’s the point? And like Henri, if I feel someone does not accept me or include me I have often felt like isolating myself and rejecting others, to my detriment. This is not love. Everything keeps coming back to love.
At the end of chapter 4, page 66, Henri writes, “the hardest conversion to go through is the conversion of the one who stayed home.” This really caught my attention. A conversion requires a change, and when you “stay home” nothing would seem to change. So a change/conversion would require one to force a change from within or change something externally if one “stayed home.” Unlike, leaving home, change comes with it and so does growth typically. When we stay home, as the older son did, do we grow (in our faith)? Or are we happy with the way things are? By “staying home” do we hide our “fears” there and become judgmental? For me, staying home is playing it safe, doing what I am supposed to be doing. However it leaves me feeling empty and resentful of others who have the courage to do what they feel they must do, to be true to themselves.
Something I came across this past week (and I don’t remember from where . . . from this discussion perhaps?) was a comment about how we do something is more important than what we do . . . was it done in love? And this is what I struggle with, to do what is expected of me and check it off a list of things accomplished, to do it efficiently and economically … forgetting to do it in love for God. It just doesn’t have the same meaning unless it’s done in love.
Carol, thoughts and prayers are with you. Thanks for the update.
March 10th, 2013 at 10:34 am
Hi
I have been reading along, although I have not yet posted until now.
I am very moved by the various posts. This book is incredible.
I have read the story of the prodigal son so many times, and never identified with the older son, until now. Or maybe I never let myself identify with the older son.
NOw, I can honestly say that I see myself in him. I am aware of the blocks to my own spirituality and also to living in communion with God and others. What looks like righteous or justice, can quickly become resentment or envy
Henri speaks about self-rejection at work here. I am not 100% certain what he means. He speaks about this on pg 84. I am wondering if other have a clearer view on self-rejection here?
March 10th, 2013 at 12:36 pm
I am home again and have access to my copy of the book.
What has struck me as never before is Henri’s emphasis that trust and gratitude (p 84 -86) are disciplines I must choose and practice at all times. They are skills I must develop to fight off the darkness of resentment, judgement, complaints, comparisons, envy and confusion. He reveals the dark voice that is so strong, continually telling me I am lost, with no direction home. He points to the enormous spiritual energy needed to trust that the Father wants me home, waiting to embrace me….”Without such discipline, I become prey to self-perpetuating hopelessness”.
For me, this is a “wow” moment!
I keep you all in prayer as we continue our journey.
March 10th, 2013 at 3:14 pm
Thought of all of you as this story was read at mass this morning. Henri’s book, and reading the many honest posts submitted, have allowed me to listen and understand this gospel in a whole different, and mature, way. Prayed for you all after receiving Eucharist. God’s peace to all as we make our to Jerusalem.
March 10th, 2013 at 4:16 pm
Pondering “self-rejection” and all the times it comes up in Henri Nouwen’s writing too, Carol. I get the daily meditations and sometimes they are about our having our “solitudes” and “boundaries” and I have struggled to understand these terms too. As I look more and more at the painting, it comes to me that it is personally meaningful that there are the two other people in the painting–other than the Father and the younger and elder sons. It is really hard when I’ve gone through a period of thinking I understood what I was doing and it all meshed with the understandings of God and other people around me, that I was serving God and actually doing something helpful for the community and then to have the rug pulled out from under me and start thinking that really it wasn’t that important to anyone. Then, if maybe I understand something of self-rejection this begins to be it. The situation then and now, the actual doing of stuff, hasn’t changed but what changed is my perspective on it. I think it’s because people aren’t saying affirmative things and for some reason I’ve been trying to listen to God speaking through people and not so clearly hearing God speak to me in my own prayerlife or the other ways God speaks to us in our solitude. The main thing is to go directly to God and ask Him to help me more faithfully live in my solitude and with healthier boundaries with all the other people around me and hopefully once again with me in serving together without rivalries, jealousies, comparisons, and without self-rejection.
March 10th, 2013 at 4:56 pm
This is the Sunday in the Roman Catholic Church that the A cycle option can be used for the Gospel at Mass if there will be candidates for the Sacraments at the parish. I wanted to tell all of you that your sharings have been extremely beneficial to me as I have taken much time to reflect again on this precious book. I finally realized that the younger son didn’t “sqwander’” the money as much as the Father’s Love.
Over a decade ago someone at a workshop gave out a sheet called, “the fourth character in the Prodigal Son story” — of course (she) is not spoken about, after all it is a parable but a parable is the living word and in many families there is the reasoning voice of the MOTHER. I love thinking about this addition. Can’t you imagine? I put myself in the story as “the mother”, the way I parented mine and what I would say and then I think — what is “she” saying to me as I often become both sons — even though not in big ways like the prodigal but maybe in a bigger way as the eldest son. I pray that I can speak to myself with the reasonable voice of loving Father and Mother!
Families were made to be complicated and that is why Jesus gave us this story since He walked the earth! Blessed Week - can’t wait to get Brynn next chapter of reflections — as I have time now ….. so maybe private reflection — like someone above said, to listen to God’s voice and not others!
March 10th, 2013 at 4:59 pm
Thanks Vin and are you the reason that I cried my eyes out after I rec’d Eucharist around noon in the East Coast today? There is so much coming to the surface and I think I need to make a spiritual direction appointment before it overwhelms me……..
March 10th, 2013 at 5:20 pm
So I have identified a relationship where I am the older brother although its not so much in the church. It is toward a family member who takes advantage of their elderly mother financially and in several other ways. This person takes advantage of anyone who gets involved with them and has New Age religious ways of justifying it. When one group of friends gets tired of being taken advantage of by this person, the family member moves onto new friends.
Irecognize and confess that the anger I have toward this person is not pleasing to God. We have drawn up what we think are healthy boundaries with this person. We also realize that the elderly mother is making choices too although quite co- dependent ones. When we have confronted this person with their selfish behaviour they either stay away or play the victim. The elderly mother has told her child she has no more money to give. We try to support the mother to be strong and encourage the child to become independent before the mother dies. At family gatherings, I can barely speak to this person because I don’t want the flood gates to open. If I say one thing, Ill probably say a whole lot that I will regret! I’m not a fake kind of person, so it’s difficult for me to even have a relationship.
I’m looking forward to some good old fashioned Henri Noewen insight that I can apply to my older brother situation.
March 10th, 2013 at 5:55 pm
Thank you Vin. I had the same thought at mass this morning. Carol: you are in the center of the painting: God embraces you and, with your courage and faithfulness, you embrace us all. Thank you all of you for your posts.
March 10th, 2013 at 8:55 pm
I am happy to join this discussion from Minnesota.
I am familiar with Nouwen from his book “Reaching Out”, and am glad to have discovered “Return of the Prodigal Son” at this site. Thank you for the study questions and all the thoughtful comments.
Decades ago a friend sent me a postcard of Rembrandt’s (now disputed apparently) “Man in the Golden Helmet”, and I found “The Mill” in my datebook calendar for the fourth week of October. I am impressed with R’s use of light and dark, which is so apparent in the work of art at hand.
My time these days is generally dedicated to my work and family, and trying to stay healthy.
I feel this book speaks directly to me, as I am a younger brother, an older brother, and a father.
Nouwen’s comment (p 50) about his need “to walk home slowly and hesitantly” is what strikes me from the earlier sections. I’m finding how patient I need to be with my own coming back, with lots of bumps in the road. Likewise p 53: “no quick romantic solution to the question of spiritual reconciliation.”
This section on the older son resonates strongly with me. I know this idea that Joy and resentment cannot coexist. I think I can understand that even had the older brother joined the party, he might well have still not been able to let go—perhaps he was where “even joy cannot evoke joy” (p 73).
I have a personal list of sources of Joy, which includes music, my children, physical labor, nature, art. Nouwen is helping me to remember that all these things lack their magic when deeply rooted resentments remain. And I’m working at recognizing unconditional love where it can be found.
March 10th, 2013 at 9:14 pm
I will add a thought in response to Connie who is asking about self rejection. I am thinking this: that the older brother is likely intelligent and probably knows much of life, so may well understand his behavior as not what he would rather choose to do, but he feels helplessly motivated in different directions, and even feels shameful about his remarks to his father, more so after his father’s reply. Shame is a powerful feeling that can paralyze one who might wish to do well, and promote the downward spiral which Nouwen is describing p. 72. It seemed at first to me that Nouwen was exaggerating for effect here, but I believe the “dark drawing power” and the “vast interior labyrinth” need to be understood as challenging realities, not hyperbole.
March 10th, 2013 at 9:15 pm
Thanks for the comments on self-rejection Sharon. I think we can all relate the feeling when the rug is pulled out, the hurt, and the self-doubt. It is not easy at all.
I agree that self-rejection is a major theme.
What is really interesting to me is that the eldest son appears to be entitled and mabe even self-aggrandized. There is envy, comparisons, a sense that things are unfair. Yet it is self-rejection. I guess it boils down to how one sees one’s true identity. Still thinking.
March 11th, 2013 at 3:01 am
Rose and all: an honor to be shedding Spirit led tears with you. Keep the Kleenex within reach. Our Saint Henri has a half a book left for us and Holy Week is two weeks away!
March 11th, 2013 at 9:03 am
A very rich week we have had!
I’ve closed this Post, but please add any continuing thoughts to the newest post: March 11th - 17th: Prodigal Son - Part 2: The Elder Son’s Return »
(see the link at the top of this page)
Brynn