Reading: Conclusion: Becoming the Father
We’ve been on quite a journey together over the last few weeks! We’ve looked at the younger son in us, the ways we leave home, and the truth of our sonship/daughtership which draws us home again in true repentance. We’ve explore the elder son in us, the call to liberation from resentments, and the invitation to the disciplines of trust and gratitude. We’ve meditated on the depth of the Father’s love for us, and the unconditional love that invites us to joy in Him. In this final stage of the journey Henri invites us to consider the call to become like the Father, which is perhaps the most challenging of all.
1) Henri writes, “…I came to realize that my spiritual journey would never be complete as long as the Father remained an outsider…” (p 121)
a) Do you see the Father as an “outsider” on your spiritual journey?
2) “Perhaps the most radical statement Jesus ever made is: ‘Be compassionate as your Father is compassionate.’ … becoming the compassionate Father is the ultimate goal of the spiritual life…” (p 115)
a) Have you ever considered this before? What is your immediate reaction?
b) How can you become the compassionate Father for those in your life?
c) Has this Lenten discussion offered any new insights that may assist you?
d) How does the life of Jesus lead you to move toward becoming the compassionate Father?
3) Henri helps us to understand that becoming like the Father includes releasing all the ways we look for approval from others, and is instead to “dare to stretch out my own hands in blessing and to receive with ultimate compassion my children, regardless of how they feel or think about me” (p117).
a) How do you understand this challenge in your own life?
b) How would it change the way you interact with those around you?
4) Henri draws a distinction between the authority of power and the authority of compassion (see p120).
a) Have you ever known someone who lived with the authority of compassion?
b) What was it like to be around that person? What did authority of compassion look like?
5) Finally, Henri offers us “three ways to a truly compassionate fatherhood: grief, forgiveness and generosity” p120. “Grief, forgiveness, and generosity are, then, the three ways by which the image of the Father can grow in me. They are three aspects of the Father’s call to be home” (p123).
a) Why do you think grief, forgiveness and generosity are the ways to a truly compassionate fatherhood?
b) Towards the end of the chapter Henri reminds us that this transformation is the work of God as much as any other spiritual transformation we go through, so how might we open ourselves to His work in these areas?
We very much look forward to hearing from each of you this week. Your honest reflections are an encouragement to both of us, and to all who are journeying with us this Lent.
Sincerely,
Ray and Brynn
Because of God’s word, Abraham (before Abram) became the “father of all nations”, but he was tested when asked to kill his son Isaac. We all know how the story ends, so the lesson for me is that the way of love is a way of faith and rationality has not place; and as Ft. Jean-Nicolas Grov says: it is obscure and dark, and herein consists its merit. In my spiritual journey I surrender to the Father and have difficulty in becoming like him. I neither see him as Henri does: “as an authority or someone who punishes us” (rationalizing), nor I am fearful and paralyzed. I see Christ as my reference in order to remain in him. I hope that by imitating him I “may realize and understand that the Father is in me and I am in the Father”.
I believe that as I do the works of Christ, the Father is in me. However, I try to have present in my life Jesus’ words when he said no disciple is above his teacher, no slave above his master. So it is a balanced game between accepting my limitations and acting as the Father does.
I believe one becomes compassionate, as long as one accepts its own vulnerabilities and have a clear mission to fulfill in life. The importance of denying oneself in order to let one’s “neighbor” discover the love of God, is one of the insights I recollect from Henri’s book.
The theme of the one-day directed retreat I attended on March 23, 2015 was ‘On The Road To Resurrection Through the Cross’. One of the facilitators noted “through the Cross, not around the Cross”, with the assurance that the Lord would get me (us) to the other side.
In reading your sharings I am reminded we all experience a multitude of Crosses along our life/faith journey. Some small to those that stay with us for years. But the compassionate Father is with us, desiring to get us through them.
Henri refers to ‘joy’ frequently. I realized in reading The Prodigal and supported by reflection on the retreat, I don’t know the experience of joy. I have experienced happiness, but I don’t think I experience joy. I think joy is a feeling beyond happy. The closest I think I’ve come to Joy is at the birth of each of our sons, and the birth of our granddaughter who was three months premature and had a 50/50 chance of living. I was very very happy and I had a sense of fulfillment, but I don’t know if that was joy.
In reflecting on what prevents me from experiencing joy, these came to mind – self-rejecting, regret and remorse, unknowing, obstacles to Grace always at work, and I get into my head, trying to figure ‘it’ out. I questioned whether it is even possible for me to experience joy?
Because I spoke of experiencing peace, the spiritual guide I met with on the retreat suggested I replace the word ‘joy’ with ‘peace’ to see if that fit, if it would work for me.
I had difficulty relating to the joy Henri spoke of, but when I substituted ‘peace’ I could better appreciate what he was saying. I realize joy and peace are not the same thing, but I understand the sense of peace and this works for me.
Joy and ______ (fill in the blank) cannot co-exist. I can’t help but conclude there have been a lot of ‘blanks’ throughout my life that were incompatible to joy. Thus the absence of joy. I know through this Lenten book review sharing, that self-rejection was certainly one of the stronger ones. I had erected Crosses that I was not aware of, but now I have begun seeing those Crosses. I am experiencing a sense of freedom through this.
A quote referred to on the retreat from Richard Rohr, an OFM priest, “Joy is surrendering to the One who is in control of our life” was also a stumbling block for me, obviously the joy factor in this quote, but also…’the One who is in control of our life’.
Henri refers to us having the freedom of making the choice – “The father’s love does not force itself on the beloved. We are still free to make our own choice to stay in the darkness or to step in the light of God’s love”; also “the choice of listening to the father or of remaining imprisoned in our self-rejection”. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if God made the choice for us. But God in his/her wisdom gave us the freedom to choose, I think with the hope that we understand that “God is always there, always ready to give and forgive, absolutely independent of our response.”
Every morning I pray ‘God grant me the Grace to love tenderly, to act justly, and to walk humbly’.
Since discovering my yet to be determined form of cancer (or hopefully some other curable disease), ‘and the Grace of Your Healing touch’.
As a result of participating in this online book review, I have added to this daily prayer ‘ the Grace to welcome without questioning and without wanting anything in return’.
Although I am facing this still yet to be named illness, I feel like I have a new lease on life. I believe I will get to my Resurrection through the Cross, because as I indicated in an early post, ‘I believed I was never alone, that God was looking out for me’ and ‘To this day I know the Lord is with me.’ I am on my way to becoming the Father.
I am so grateful for all your posts and replies, and for those of you who participated in your own way.
Bob
Thank you so much for sharing in such a meaningful way. It helps in my thinking and knowing. God will be with you.
I do feel the joy every day, maybe not in the way Nouwen defines it, but it is there in the midst of struggles, frustrations, and all the other negatives of life. I truly feel my joy is a gift from God. After reading this book, I have used the following Nouwen quote as the signature at the end of my email: “The reward of choosing joy is joy itself. Once you choose to claim the joy hidden in the midst of all suffering, life becomes celebration. Joy never denies the sadness, but transforms it to a fertile soil for more joy.”
Judith,
Thank you for highlighting the quote on joy. It is a reminder that I need daily.
Ray
This is the true story. When the Emperor of Japan announced the Unconditional Surrender, war ended. Evacuation of Japanese from Manchuria, China, Korea
Siberia started. Evacuation ships came to Maizuru Pier, which was crowded with
families, friends who were looking for loved ones. A mother whose only son was
drafted and sent to Manchu came to this Maizuru Pier EVERY DAY looking for her son,
carrying his favorite foods (おべんとう). She did so even the evacuation ship stopped. She said that I know my wish may not be granted, but here I am again hoping that he might be on the ship, I am driven with hope that he is still alive. This story became
sensational in Japan, there were movies, songs and books were published.
Amazing story !
What amazing parental love and devotion. Her persistent hope, courage and steadfastness befits the Father of us all. Thank you for sharing that!!
A true Love story! Thank you for sharing!
I hate for Lent to come to an end and this Sharing. I have felt so much pain for the many who shared deep hurts as they grew in their faith. Although my own childhood was relatively abuse free (who really never experienced some emotional hurts?), I am sensitive to your pain. My adult life has been filled with much love, but also much-like Job’s story. I carried a different pain, but as my youngest son said about my life after years of suffering, “…it’s a miracle..” referring to how things now seem to be. The rough waters have calmed. Still illnesses, but not really as difficult as earlier years.
For me at this point in life, a group sharing the difficult care-giving of those with dementia would be most helpful. I just read Henri’s thoughts on the subject, “A Spirituality of Caregiving”. Although my own experience isn’t overwhelming, I know others are. I look at their worn out faces and sorrow they carry concerning a loved one, and wish they might share in the way we have here.
Each morning as I awoke, I remembered that someone might have placed a new thought on my computer. I’d eagerly rise from bed to come to a quiet spot to read what was posted and then read more from the book (which is now regretfully finished).
Blessings to you all who have been a part of my Lent!
That’s beautiful!
There’s a way of saying that we are born in the house of the mother and return to the house of the father. That’s how we unite matter and spirit. The journey in between is the journey of the son (or daughter). Returning to the father’s house is like coming really home, home to our Selves.
That’s how I came to understand this parable during these weeks of reading, together with all of you. It has quite been a journey, and it is not yet finished for me. I feel a bit stuck at end of the road, just before I have reached “home”.
My question has always been “when will I be ready to enter the house of the Father?”. These past few weeks it became clear to me that the answer probably is that I never will be, but that the Father is welcoming me anyway, without hesitation. This is for me compassionate love.
So I guess, I have thought of myself as an outsider, but I now begin to see that I have never been inside. So, yes, in a way I “made” the father an outsider. And although this seems like a “wrong perspective”, it precisely helped me to start (re-)turning.
In between is “Golgotha”. I wrote before already about the deeply felt darkness I felt once, while hearing the words of Jesus “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me? ”. The dark night of the soul, being abandoned, and alone. When I opened last Sunday this week’s questions, I heard the radio, singing “Abide with me”. I cried.
It certainly felt a bit like coming home, together with you, my fellow travelers ;-)).
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Quest 2: “…most radical statement Jesus ever made…”Be compassiomate as your Heavenly Father is compassionate”
a. Have you ever considered this before? What was your immediate reaction?
I think the first time I ever thought of this concept was when I first read this book, which is several years ago now. My first reactizwas, what a cool idea-so typical of Henri, taking what we know to a higher level of understanding.
b. How can you become the compassionate Father to those in your life
Only through the grace of God. When I first read this, and even now to some extent, I feel like this spirituality is so far above my head-so far beyond my own spirituality, that all I can do is be open to the comcept and pray that Abba will send His Holy Spirit to carry me to a place of understanding, and open my eyes to moments where I can be as the compassionate Father in my daily interactions with the people he places in my life.
c. Has this Lenzen discussion offered amy insights…to assist you?
Very so hard to answer because I have learned from and have been fed by so mamy of you is so many ways. I’m not sure the insights are new exactly, but have reminded me of truths and experiences that have been planted as seeds amd this blog jas helped them grow.
–I am not walkimg this faith journey alone, there are men and women of faith all around me who have “been there, done that” and ate willing to lemd a helping hand and words of encouragement when I need them.
–I have been nourished and humbled by the perseverance and joy of those of you who struggles with physical challenges way beyond my comprehension You inspire me to continue to lean on God and on His Grace to carry me through whatever situations I find myself in.
–It is never too late amd always a calling to learn more about amd practice the art of forgiveness. Whether it means forgiving myself or others-it is at the root of all authentic spirituality amd greater Faith and I must always let my eyes and heart be open to growing in this area.
Quest 1: “…I came to realize that my spiritual journey would never be complete as long as the Father remained an outsider…”
a. Do you see the Father as an outsider?…
Absolutely not. I can’t put my finger on the exact where and when my understanding of a loving Father became a foundation stone in my Faith journey but the prayer “Abba, Father, we belong to you” has flowed from my heart and soul for many years now.
As the journey is coming to an end, I would like to thank the community for all the sharing, insight and touching stories. All helps me on the meditation and action during this lent.
I am certainly still stuck as the elder son, although I know that I am coming home and trying to be the father someday. I thank Henri as his book introduced and guided me through the painting. Looking at the elder son in the painting, his hands are tightly gripped with a nice stick (I always wonder why the upper hand is darker). His face looks resentful and critical, he stands at a higher step and would he step down to the centre and being embraced with his Father and brother? I trust he will as the light shining upon the Father and the younger son also shining on the elder son’s face. This gives me hope that, someday, I can be the father, by the grace of the Lord.
After reading Henri’s book and (reading) the painting, I can read the traditional Chinese painting in the museum from different perspective and also understand ancient Chinese philosophy from another perspective.
Journey here with all of you is greatly helpful and inspiring, appreciate for all the sharing. Peace & Joy to all!
As we approach the end of our Lenten journey together, thanks to each of you for your participation either through your deep and meaningful sharings or by following along in silence. Your presence in our community strengthens us all.
Henri’s words could be my own when he writes, “Can I give without wanting anything in return, love without putting any conditions on my love? Considering my immense need for human recognition and affection, I realize that it will be a lifelong struggle…” And he then takes it the next step writing, “ Living out this spiritual fatherhood requires the radical discipline of being home.” (emphasis added) What does being home mean to Henri? As I understand it, the discipline of being home is believing and accepting that “You are my Beloved.”
Again, Henri could be writing about me, “As a self-rejecting person always in search of affirmation and affection, I find it impossible to love consistently without asking for something in return. But the discipline (i.e., being home) is precisely to give up wanting to accomplish this myself as a heroic feat. To claim for myself spiritual fatherhood and the authority of compassion that belongs to it, I have to let the rebellious younger son and the resentful older son step up on the platform to receive the unconditional, forgiving love that the Father offers me, and to discover the call to be home as my Father is home.”
This is a huge challenge for me—and one that I am only now recognizing. I know that the Father has forgiven me for my sins as the younger son and the resentment and frustrations I sometimes feel as the elder son. Thankfully, I have at times experienced the joy of becoming the compassionate spiritual father for those in my life. But I also know I am still reluctant or afraid to fully embrace my call to spiritual fatherhood. Why? Probably because “as a self-rejecting person” I don’t believe that I am worthy and I worry that I won’t be accepted for who I am. Or said another way, because I don’t really believe that I am beloved. And what will it take to fully embrace my belovedness? Repeating Henri’s words, “I have to let the rebellious younger son and the resentful older son step up on the platform to receive the unconditional, forgiving love that the Father offers me…” But when the two sons step up on the platform, who needs to offer that forgiveness (since the Father has already forgiven me)? I do! In order to accept my spiritual fatherhood and to welcome others home, I need to truly forgive myself for being the younger and the elder sons and to accept that I am the beloved. Once I accept that I am beloved and forgive myself for past transgressions, I will be ready to become the spiritual father for those in my life. May the Lord give me the strength to do just that.
Peace and all good.
Ray
Friends, thank you for your deep and honest sharings this week. I haven’t responded much, been a tough 10 days, but each day as I read and re-read your posts, I was lifted up and encouraged to carry on! I finished reading this week’s chapter yesterday and hope to answer at least a few questions later today or tomorrow but tonight I wanted to share how this story has effected me this week.
10 days ago there was an incident which I would describe as a younger brother (co-worker) having an incident with the older brother (me).
Lots of emotional triggers by both parties. Anger, resentment self-righteousness, judgement all the way around. Very painful and heart wrenching to deal with.
One of the ways I tried to cope with all of this emotion was to place myself kneeling before the Father with my head on his chest. Somewhere in this process I came to the realization that what the Father really longed for was for both of his children to kneel before him accepting his love and blessing. Then the thought went a bit
further as I realized what would truly bring Our Father great joy was a “group hug ” ..not a forced or fake acceptance of each other, but an authentic experience of brothers forgiving and accepting each other, and then together approaching the Father to be blessed and to be healed.
I cannot say my co-worker and I are there yet, but we are so much closer than we were 10 days ago. I can feel the power of God’s love working in this situation. Thank you Father for your steadfast love of each of us, thank you friends for holding is in prayer.
Thanks for sharing Joni, I found myself in similar situation with my co-workers and am praying to the all loving Father to help me and us. Your sharing is such an encouragement for me. Thank you!
WOW ! This is amazing…. co worker issues are not easy, especially since most workplaces won’t allow “Christianity talk” and so…. I am very Inspired by your GOOD Spiritual plans on how to create peace at work. I will pray for your continued success . I know that You taking this situation to God, as you DID… will bring in the help that is needed. I am inspired by you Joni .
Four years ago I read a book named ‘The Shack’ by Paul William Young.The novel is fictional. Its about a Christian father explaining the relationship he holds with God to his loving children.The book gives a lot of stress on God’s love and claims human freedom to be the root of evil. The book also focuses on forgiveness which could be a solution to evil. The Novel Shack gives the feel of God and his love to human beings in a more meaningful manner.I found the book both engaging and thought provoking. In the background of the discussion on the Return of the prodigal Son, it seems to throw light on some of my dilemmas.
I am sure those in North America would have read the book. It is worth reading.
The Shack – Official Site
theshackbook.com
Yes Sister, I’ve read it twice…one of those stories that is so unusal it deserves a second look. The first time around the ending totally caught me by surprise! It’s been a few years now, maybe this will jave to be an “after Lent” read!
Thanks!
I read The Shack several years ago and I too found it helpful. Father Robert Barron, Rector of Mundelein Seminary and creator of the Catholicism DVD series has a very positive review (with one small Catholic reservation at the end) of The Shack on YouTube (7+ minutes) where he calls The Shack a wonderful Christian retelling of the biblical story of Job. Fr. Barron’s reservation is related to the distinction between the Law and Grace that is discussed at the end of the book; he notes the Catholic belief that the Law and Grace are complimentary to each other. If you are interested in the book, I encourage you to watch Fr. Barron’s review: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3-I7AEmKlo
Only a mellowed heart can grieve. The heart of God is that sensitive heart that itself has felt the pain of separation, loss, wished the return of his children to his unconditional and self giving love. A hardened heart cannot feel the pain and suffering of the other. A hardened heart is the heart filled with resentment, bitterness, competitiveness and envy. When we develop a heart of flesh like Jesus’ we too can cry over the ills, sufferings of the other and the lack of love in this world (Matthew 23:37 -“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.”) In my helplessness I turn to God in prayer. Truly grieving leads me to compassion. As Henri says “To become like the Father whose only authority is compassion, I have to shed countless tears and so prepare my heart to receive anyone, whatever their journey has been and forgive them from the heart”.
Forgiving from the heart demands that I step over /“climb over” all or any of my expectations. Again in Henri’s words, “Only when I remember that I am the Beloved child of God can I welcome those who want to return with the same compassion as that with which the Father welcomes me.”
Forgiving again and again demands generosity. Forgiving like the Father means giving one’s very self to one’s children. It does not come spontaneously. But when we discipline ourselves to be generous, we prove that we have moved from fear to love and thus have become the children of light. Henri points out that “generosity is a giving that comes from the knowledge” “that those I asked to forgive are ‘kinfolk’, and belong to my family”.
I understand these disciplines clearly with my head, but my heart has not caught up with the head yet. As a physically challenged person who need the help of those in community, am often governed by my need to survive. I have not completely moved from ‘fear to love’. I still am affected by praise and criticism. I do not criticize, join any gossip, try to be non-judgmental but still not able to seek out the company of people different than myself. The road to transformation seems to be long and arduous!
The above three are disciplines that need to be constantly and consciously practiced. That would transform me into the image of the Father. But as Henri rightly points out this transformation is the work of God. All I can do is to be open to His grace, striving at the same time to become more like the Father by practicing the triple discipline, and wait with hope and patience for God to bring about the transformation.
Sr Josephine, all I can say is I’m glad you have access to the computer!!! I have a question for you and the group. What do you think happens spoken in terms of this book, when people “burn out”? When a person has seemingly given too much? I have burned out before and it seems that my human supply of love and good deeds has a limit, unlike our Father.
I think that we need to practice “self care”, also. My favorite verse for this is to “be STILL and know that I Am GOD” Learning and practicing stillness, quietness, non- busyness, are very tough for me. I also must quiet my busy mind. Burn out, for me, comes easily when I am not also attending to my needs.
I love this question Marianne, I too would love to know what others think on this topic. As for me, I usually “hide out” and turn inward and pray and read, Bible, or Henri type books and pray and listen to Christian music…..
Basically I put myself in “Time Out” until I feel I have something GOOD to offer or respond to the World…..
I wonder, if there is a way to not need SO MUCH Time Out 🙂
Marianne, already Pamela has mentioned “self-care” to prevent burn out. But you ask what happens to people when they burn out. I guess, they withdraw into a protective shell.
My question is why is this burn out? Can we give without burning out? If we want to continue to give, we have to pay heed to the habitual controls that exists. We need to pay attention to our body. It will tell you when you need to rest, to relax. Remember what Jesus said to the disciples when returned after their apostolic tours/ “Come and rest a while.”
Pope Francis tells us not to think, that “I” am indispensable. Delegate what others can do and do only that which can be done by you alone. Thirdly, giving should come willingly, if it is weighing down, something is wrong. Taking care of yourself, taking necessary rest and relaxing is not against love of ones neighbor.
Sr. Josephine,
Although you have shared you are physically challenged. May I say to you that you are quite A great Inspiration. and I am sure you are a Mighty Prayer Warrior . You have A LOT to give, maybe THE MOST…. since your prayers can bring help, healing, and Jesus to people. Your being physically challenged, I wonder if you naturally pray more than most…. having special understanding into how much we NEED Our Lord every day….. sometimes people who are strong Physically “forget that”…. You also have an extra sensitivity into how easily people’s words and actions can Hurt people since you are so reliant upon others to help you physically. And THAT makes you and EVEN BETTER and more sensitive Prayer Warrior ! Thank you for your sharing this Lent, I learned a lot.
When I was 11 I spent the summer working with my grandpa who owned a sale barn and kept a herd of cattle. One of my tasks that summer was to walk the fence of the pasture and fix any breaks in the barbed wire fence. It was after my uncle had left that I discover that I had left my gloves in the truck. Still, the fence had to be mended because cattle would be in there the next day. So I fixed the wire without gloves. As a result I have many tiny scars on my hands.
These are the scars that I believe Henri speaks of. They are tiny but carry ” the reminders of every glove that hit him till the fighter calls out in his pain I am leaving I am leaving but the fighter still remains” (Simon and Garfunkel, the Boxer). This has developed my compassion, especially for the poor. We are all poor. I am scared but still remain a servant of God.
Becoming the father is, indeed a journey of grief, compassion and love. As I reflect on ministry I see the journey of open hands to welcome the sinner this includes my self. This study has called me to continue the journey to perfection in love by being open and unpretentious,
Beautiful story…… BEAUTIFUL
Q.1:- Not at this juncture in my life. But as Henri says, “for a long time the Father remained “the other”, the one who would receive me, forgive me, offer me a home, and give me peace and joy. The Father was the place to return to, the goal of my journey, the final resting place.”
Q.2:- Till I read this book in 1993, I did not fully grasp the full import of these words “… becoming the compassionate Father is the ultimate goal the spiritual life. For a long time I never took these literally (=seriously). I used to feel I am compassionate, compared to many others. Even after reading for the first time, I used to see Father as the “benevolent land owner” rather than “self-giving, forgiving Father”. At 1993 I was very much the “elder” daughter steeped in resentment and bitterness.
From 1995 onwards many painful things have happened not only in my life but in the lives of those dear to me which forced me to listen and look compassionately. It had been a long and difficult journey and I am still at it.
When I look uncritically, listen without judging and speak with understanding I try to become the compassionate Father/Mother to those whom I live with.
The life of Jesus definitely shows me the way for he was compassion personified. He walked the talk. During this Lent meditating on the way of the cross made me realize how Jesus tried till the end to teach us compassion: not to be violent; not to be angry; to see/feel the pain of another; not to see malice but to excuse and forgive; to show mercy at all times.
At the arrest when one of his followers reacts violently, Jesus sternly reprimands him- Mathew 26:51,52; (Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him. 51 With that, one of Jesus’ companions reached for his sword, drew it out and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.52 “Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.)
Unmindful of his painful suffering he consoles the women of Jerusalem – Lk 23:27, 28;
Though some people systematically schemed, falsely accused and meticulously carried out their evil plan Jesus prays for forgiveness for them ‘for they know not what they do’ – Lk 23:34 (But Jesus was saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.”);
Jesus shows mercy to the repentant thief – Lk 23: 39-43;
Finally he gives his mother – John 19: 26, 27.
If I could only forgive, at all times, whom so ever I think has offended me I will become like Jesus.
This was beautiful. Wonderful insights. Thank you !
I think it seems almost impossible to “be” the Father, but I know with His help, it’s possible to become more like Him.
I like what this chapter has to say about Joy. One thing I think the church is missing is a lot of joy. There are parts of worship that are solemn, and they should remain that way. I like to have fun, to laugh and to be positive. This has been even more important while travelling on my journey with Cancer. I know being joyful is different than being happy, but the joy we have in God the Father makes it that much easier for me to look for good and wonderful things.
I’m enjoying the readings but find I’m in more of a “taking in” phase. I don’t have very many insights.
I DID see the Father as an “outsider.” Someone to be feared and obeyed, but also someone who loved me. Thankfully, as I matured, I also matured spiritually. The guidance of others, such as spiritual mentors, discussion groups, classes and studies such as this one definitely help.
We have the spark of the divine within us, to be the compassionate father who loves, forgives, and gives. I am so blessed and want to share this blessedness with others by loving, forgiving and giving. As Henri says, “Joy has been the mark of the people of God. Once you choose to claim the joy hidden in the midst of all suffering, life becomes celebration. Joy never denies the sadness, but it transforms it to a fertile soil for more joy. ” I want to share this joy with others by loving, forgiving and giving.
a) Have you ever known someone who lived with the authority of compassion?
b) What was it like to be around that person? What did authority of compassion look like?
These two questions brought to my mind, Carl, a man my pastor had known in a former parish. When planning a parish Renew Mission, we were inviting various lay persons to speak on specific topics for three evenings at the church.
I had never known anyone like Carl, but I’m sure there are others. Carl raised a troubled son who turned to drugs. For whatever reason another young man, Terry, shot and killed the son in Carl’s backyard one evening.
Carl explained that he himself had been an active member of his parish so it wasn’t odd that another member invited Carl to join their Parish Prison Ministry. Carl said he was afraid he’d meet Terry, so he refused.
Eventually after being asked to join again, Carl relented several months later. As he had feared once doing Prison Ministry Terry and Carl came face to face. Carl found himself having to minister to the man who killed his only child.
Time passed with Carl and Terry meeting weekly. Carl was finally not only able to forgive Terry, but to tell him he loved him. Carl related that Terry cried being told he was loved; he further said that no one had ever told him that before.
I have over the years thought about that type of forgiveness and wondered if I could have done as Carl. It gave me the inspiration to try. I saw how forgiveness allowed Carl to be at peace. I want to live as Carl and be a forgiving person.
In my life at the death of Mom, there was much strife with my only sibling. At first I’d planned to give her whatever she wanted to avoid hate between us. As the months went by, her demands increased.
The symbolic time came when we were with the attorney closing on Mom’s house that I’d paid my sister her share. She said she must have the washer and dryer for the new place she was buying. This was the end of the line for me because my sister and I had taken back things we’d given Mom without question. Now she wanted the washer and dryer which normally go with the sale of house.
I reminded her that our deceased son had put those items in Mom’s house when she bought next door to me. My sister’s response: “What? Is he coming back to use them?” Her husband sat across from me and grinned broadly.
I must say, this incident felt as if a knife went through my heart once again with my son’s death. Now how was I to imitate Carl? I thought of all the scripture, “..forgive 70 times 7”, or in Our Father asking, to be “forgive(n) us as we forgive..” I faced that to be forgiven I first must forgive my sister (and all others), or I won’t be forgiven because I’d still be sinning.
As much as I faced this, it has not been easy. I recall once being taught that to forgive others, pray for them. If you are truly able to pray for those who have hurt you, you are at least in the process of forgiving. I think I’m still in the process. Daily things occur that give me reason to forgive.
Last year it was the sudden surprise our daughter-in-law decided to go online with a dating service. As painful as this was and the eventual divorce, I am able to pray for her mainly because I believe she suffers bipolar mental illness.
Forgiving is continual. I am happy when I’ve been able to cross one hurdle because I know there’s another ahead. I think groups such as this keep us on our jopurney of forgiving. I believe forgiving is the most important part of our faith for eternal blessings. I take it seriously as difficult as it is.
That was a touching testimony Sonya. I too have heard, come across people like Carl who live with the authority of compassion.
Here in India too we have had some remarkable people who lived with compassion. I wonder whether you have heard about the story of Sr. Rani Maria, who worked in the Diocese of Indore in Madhya Pradesh. Sister Rani Maria was murdered in a knife attack by a hitman named Samandar Singh at Nachanbore Hill in Indore, Madhya Pradesh on 25 February 1995. The murder was arranged because some landlords were offended by her work among the landless poor. In 2002,Sister Selmy, also a member of the Franciscan Clarist Congregation, offered words of forgiveness and tied a rakhi, or sacred thread, on his hand signifying that she accepted Singh as her brother. He was profoundly touched by it, so much so that from this gesture his journey of repentance began.
In my own life too I realize that “forgiving is continual. ”
Thanks for the sharing.
Thanks for the beautiful story.
Thanks for the story. Hadn’t heard it. So uplifting to hear things such as this.
Thanks for sharing!
Sonya, I too have a similar story. My only sibling has vowed to never speak to me and because he is a person who is unable to ever admit he is wrong or that his actions were misguided, he will not revisit this decision. I have struggled with this for years; it never being far from my mind. I have felt God’s presence during this Lenten study and began to see how my refusal to let go of my thoughts was a form of self absorption and kept me in a swirl of grief, loneliness, anger, jealousy of others who had close relationships with siblings, it played through my mind over and over. All the time I was missing what had been set free by no longer being in relationship with someone who caused continous havoc during my parent’s lives. I only saw the loss part of it. I was unable to have authentic compassion for others because I was unwilling to see the whole picture of my life and was consumed with wanting this part of my life to be different. I think God grew weary of me feeling sorry for myself and began to wonder how long I could stay stuck. At this point, he saw it as nothing other than complacency and was getting annoyed. I have sensed that God is sending me in a new direction and he has now made it clear that I am to pray daily,
ask for and follow His guidance, embrace the uncertainty of life with a open heart and forgive myself and others.
May The Lord Bless You ~!! You really took a wounding situation and showed us all how to take it to The Father and Journey to Forgiveness !
Becoming like “the Father”….. SAVED. MY. LIFE.
I love my parents, but I do not know WHAT happened to them but they were so deeply wounded that they were completely Unable to BE parents. Beatings & being thrown out of moving cars were just some of the experiences that myself and my other 4 siblings endured.
I was the oldest and I tried to take care of the other 4….. Of course I wasn’t very successful at it being a child myself….. I still remember trying to make baby formula for my newborn brother when I was 7, and I knew I didn’t do it right, bcuZ I could not read the “big words” on the formula can on how to do it right.
Those were the only wounds I really think I had….. being so upset that I wasn’t able to take care of my small siblings better.
BUT,
Jesus whispered into my ear at the age of 7 that HE was going to make me a Pediatric RN and then, I would be taking care of LOTS of small ones, and do a good job FOR HIM.
I always knew this growing up, and I couldn’t wait ! 🙂 Jesus just kept telling me to be a good girl, and study really hard and get good grades.
Jesus doesn’t ask us to do something for HIM, unless HE helps us to be able to do it….and so I got an academic scholarship to a liberal arts 4 year college….. and so, YES, I could go to college and become a Pediatric RN.
Every time I took care of something with love and some knowledge and could do a good job of it, it erased another childhood wound. Taking care of Others, was the BEST way for me to be Healed.
As I became a Mommy of all my own children, it brought up lots of scary childhood memories, of my own, that I had tried to “forget”.
BUT, every day of loving my own children, and giving THEM all the love, and GOOD care and protection and LOVE….. SO MUCH LOVE and GENTLE care…. Healed ME.
I just kept on being healed…… It was like I could fly….. It was like I could breath deeply and relaX…. And such a SWEETness such an excellent Aroma of LOVE surrounded me….
Now my sons are 23 & 24…. And they both tell me they would love to go back and redo their childhood it was so wonderful 🙂
THAT is like a healing balm on me when I hear that…..
I think that when Our Lord asks us to live in the Authority of Compassion, and love and BE the caregiver, the Father, the Parent… HE sure knows what HE is doing…
GIVING and CARING for OTHERS IS the way to Heal from all the wounds of not being cared for…
NOW, as the Parent, we get the chance to “get it” the care & love… by giving it…. When we take care of something besides ourselves…. We get to focus on something other than our own self all the time.
Wanting something…. Is passive, we can’t control if we get it.
But, Giving something there is power in that… We can GIVE love and care. And then, the big wonderful surprise is that…. We then end up receiving love & care.
We can’t control IF we GET all the love or care we need in this world….
BUT,
WE sure can go out and GIVE…. CARE & LOVE….. And I think that heals us from our wounds of not getting it.
Is there really such authority in Compassion ????
I say YES !!! I just bet when a head of state, president, or dictator…. ( those with Worldy Power), walks into a room it pales in comparison to when little, sweet Mother Teresa walked into a room 🙂
She was one of my heroes…
I also think Henri is an example of “the authority of compassion”….
Since HE was Compassionate enough, and not too full of pride, to share His struggles with us all in his writings… And help US when we have struggles… Henri helped me learn how to forgive…. Reading about his struggles, always help me “figure out” my own…..
Have I forgiven my owns parents ?
YES…. I just feel so very sorry for them, I tried to help them over the years…. I pray for them every day…. Jesus DID that for me… HE showed me that I can’t drink the poison of Unforgiveness, and expect to feel good.
And yes… LOVE and FORGIVENESS is like spiritual Vitamins …. It takes a while to get to point of being able to swallow those “vitamins”…… But once I did….. Jesus was Right AGAIN….. It is the only way…… HIS WAY…
To be able to love and help my parents….. Also healed me too.
And P.S. No one should think this is a commentary of wonderful ME…..
No, it is an example of Spiritual Victory of …. JESUS…. Papa GOD, HOLY SPIRIT….
Our Lord, did it all for me…
Literally, All I did was say yes to follow Our Lord on the healing path. That HE showed me, and cleared the way for me to walk it….
Follow THE Father, and then….. BE the “father” and GIVE the LOVE that Our Heavenly Father has given Us…..
It is a LIFE SAVER.
It saved me from being NOTHING…. But a needful mess….
It gave me the very great HONOR, of being able to give something good…. And then feeling like I wasn’t a nothing…. I was something Papa God trusted to “help HIM”… Or was it I was something that allowed Papa God to help ME ?? 🙂
For in giving LOVE we are then SURROUNDED BY LOVE…. And we then, we receive it too since the environment is FULL of LOVE.
So I got a Little Lenten Love Lesson today…..
One of my neighbors was mean. The other neighbors were talking about her.
I didn’t. I just walked away. I felt Proud.
But then,
My husband came home and I spent 30 minutes telling him all about our “mean neighbor”…
Then,
I went to read some Lenten reading by Corrie Ten Boom… here was the very first words….. “Discernment is God’s call to intercession, NEVER to faultfinding. ”
and then, it said: ” Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since Love covers a multitude of sins. ” 1 Peter 4:8
WOW O SO MUCH WOW…… I just got a serious Lenten LOVE Lesson from THE Holy Spirit alright. Ya, Jesus was Whispering in my ear, to LOVE in HIS name, not to just faultfind.
Papa God sure must love me to correct me so quickly, and Gently…. 🙂
Corrie Ten Boom was a sweet elderly lady who wrote books that I loved…and so I felt Papa God used a gentle Grandmom to gently tell me to behave and act right 🙂
So THAT was MY Lenten Love Lesson for today 🙂
So beautiful. If only all who have been hurt in childhood could be like you. Imagine–we’d be living the peaceable kingdom right now!! I loved your PS because as much as I try to walk away from situations, I know in my heart if not on my lips I feel inner anger myself. You taught me. Thanks.
Thank you Twyla for your candid sharing. No Twyla,no one will think that you shared just to brag; for all of us are aware “unless the Lord builds, the laborers toil in vain”. I acknowledge the wonderful ay the Lord Jesus has blessed you. and I thank God along with you. May PAPA God continue journey with you and continue to shower His gracious blessings upon you.
I agree. No one believes you shared for your own glory, but to show us the Power of Papa God. That we all might listen to His quiet voice speaking to us as you have. Blessings.
Twyla,
You are a blessing!!
Nothing gives me more joy then to read one of your treasured responses. I think “sharing your journey” is another one of your gifts. Thank you.
Thank you, Twyla, By sharing this you have helped me more than you know. God Bless you and your continued walk with our Lord. I especially love the line ~I just kept on being healed…… It was like I could fly…..I too, have had this exact feeling….who but God could send this to us to embrace. May you continue to be Surrounded by His Love.
Connie
On a God of power: Like Henri, I find it hard to shake a childhood fear of God’s power as stressed so often in First Testament teachings. I have been subject to the “subtle pressure in the Church…to remain a dependent child.” To question was to be guilty of ignorant arrogance. Blessedly, with the help of counselors such as Henri and my own spiritual advisor as well as what I believe to be the voice of God in my heart, I am beginning to embrace the true God of compassion.
On the need for approval: While I can see myself in Henri’s description of those who seek approval from the world, I am also aware of the need to set a good example—to deliver a message through both word and deed so that those under my tutelage can be inspired to go forth and do an even better job of being Christ in the world. It is sometimes hard to distinguish between wanting approval for the sake of self-satisfaction versus gaining approval for a message we feel is worth delivering.
On grieving: I agree that “grieving is praying.” A wise aunt, the mother of seven, told me at the birth of my first child: “Your children will be your greatest joy and your greatest sorrow.” If you love unconditionally, you will grieve over your child’s every every sorrow and every wayward step. A few years ago I began to meditate and pray as l listened to every story in the news. I must grieve and pray not only for my closest loved ones but for every mother’s child who has suffered cruelty and injustice at the hands of the world.
On generosity: Over the years as I have worked on volunteer projects, I have always found the expression “There but for the grace of God go I” to be somewhat troubling. I know the speaker may be expressing an appreciation for his unearned opportunities in life (a good education, food security, a stable home); however, I am put off by the underlying notion that God somehow has chosen to shower the speaker with more “grace” than He has those we are serving. It has always somehow struck me as more arrogant than generous. For some reason, I am less disturbed by the statement that “to those to whom much is given, much is expected.” I may be mincing words, but I find the latter to be a better expression of our responsibility to use whatever resources and talents we have been given gratis in service to all of God’s children. To recognize that responsibility is to receive grace. It seems more generous to acknowledge the kinds of graces that God has showered on those society has overlooked: the courage of the mother trying to raise good children in a dangerous neighborhood, the man who uses his trademark humor to buoy his family’s spirits as his wife descends into senility, the five-year-old of extraordinary empathy who wipes the drool from the face of her disabled little brother. What lessons about grace they have to share with me!
Loved your insights !
As this journey ends, I like to express my “thank you” to all – I read all the comments which inspired me, irritated me, cried me and made me think about my own journey.
This last chapter of becoming like Father is very difficult to understand. I feel like putting on a dress that does not fit me. I am a child of God, I need to be loved, forgiven, protected, feel secure in the big hug of God. I want to stay there. I want to wear child size dress not God’s size dress. I, who am insecure, hurt, wounded, still hateful in heart…turn around from God’s hug, and give hugs to my neighbors? As long as I feel comfortable being loved, embraced by God, God is not in me, he is outside, is it correct??? Grow up, grow up. my inner voice says. Emptying self-seeking is grieving, parting from Father’s hug is terrifying. Yet, giving rooms to someone for Father’s hug is forgiving self being selfish and learn to be more generous with self and others. As Henri writes, ultimately we have to become like Father to practice to forgive others and to generous. The most important lesson I learned from this journey is that solid foundation of my faith is believe in God’s love, I am loved, I am God’s Beloved.
Thank you for sharing this. Thank you !